May 10 & 11, 2016

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i don't know how i missed yesterday, but i did.  i was very tired later in the day, possibly on an emotional level, and i ended my day in my room.  that's probably the long and the short of it, but analyticals are in order.  so i'm going over yesterday, catching up to today, and getting it right.

i got up and said my prayers yesterday.  i got to the gym and i got Syd out the door.  i had breakfast, two fried eggs and a piece of toast.  i did nothing of significance after that.  i went to lunch with Lonnie, who was really down due to the impact of putting Max, the dog, down and the children's response.  after lunch i went back home.  i went to my parent's house for a moment to get my mother's laptop back on its regular Windows screen rather than the Windows 10 update she'd started.  i talked to my brother, to R, i had a chicken sandwich and fries for lunch, i had leftovers for dinner.  i drank coffee far too late in the day as i had no reason not to, as Wednesday is not a gym day for me, and i finally went into a pretty deep sleep after talking to R again.  i had a low sugar moment, announced by chills and hands shaking, and then i ate way too many carbs, including peanut butter on bread twice, a donut, crackers with some wedding soup i had between lunch and dinner.

as a result, i woke with a high sugar of 220 today.

i got up with prayer, i lazed a bit as i was in no great hurry.  i got Syd out the door, had breakfast of 2 boiled eggs and toast.  i worked on my book site, it's not done but i'll finish it later today.  i had an appointment with Dr. Jackson, my podiatrist, who said all is well with the pedals.  i stopped at the store, got some potatoes, a roast and a cake mix and icing.  cut up the veggies and got everything seasoned and into the crock pot for dinner later.  going to turn it on high and then down to low before i leave.

so far, my thoughts are that i am trying to get some things done on a non-existent budget.  it's not as bad as it sounds.  the bills are paid.  there is gas in the car.  i have a card at King Size and i'm working on ordering some clothes.  i feel good, aside from my high sugar but i'm taking my insulin.  i'm not really worried about anything in particular.  i have a lunch date with R, and don't know where exactly where going to go, because i have no particular taste for anything except time with her.

but my cholesterol and last b.p. med are tied into my journaling now.  i'm trying to be more responsive to my own needs, my own things that should be taken care of.  if i don't write, i miss meds and my blood pressure stays irregular.  so i have to do better.  i have to.

not beating myself senseless over it though.  done is done, and next is next.  i can't wait for my microphone to come.  and i need a music keyboard.  all phase three stuff.  i will write more later.

okay, so i'm at the end of the day.  i have had lunch with R and her eldest daughter, which was cool.  i did the roast and that was good, and Syd and I ate.  i took my last insulin, my two evening pills.  i have coffee ready to go and i have my website updated.  i've done my meeting, made a call to the police about a manhole cover that is not secure in its hole and will likely cause problems for someone.  i am ready to shut it down for the night.

i guess i feel pretty serene right now.  i know the orbit is on track.  i know that my inner child, toti, is gaining the strength that comes from real validation.  i know that things are going to be tight, but they are not going to be impossible.  and i know that we are blessed.  i can't really ask for much more than that.  tomorrow i'm going to work on cleaning the apartment.  i'm going to prep for dinner, i'm going to maybe go to my parents to do a load of clothes.  i'm going to try to relax.  and i'm going to thank Jehovah for all that we have been given, and all that we have been protected from.  and i'm done.