hold

i realized late yesterday that i hadn't journaled for the day, and decided i'd just double entry today.  by the time i got the awareness, i was sleepy and about to put on the binaural beats meditation vid so i could go under, and when i put it on i went deep under indeed.  so, there was that.  but i'm going to blog yesterday early, and today later, and that will catch everything up.

i got up yesterday feeling pretty good.  i said my prayers, got up and into some clothes, got my headphones and went out for a walk.  i walk around what i estimate to be a city block.  from my apartment to Belmont, Belmont to Gypsy, at Gypsy i turn at the old Allen's and swing back around to my house again.  it may be a bit more or a bit less than a mile, but i like the walk and the distance.  the gym was closed so the walk was on time.  i came home, had three eggs scrambled and bacon and a piece of toast.  i felt extremely unmotivated, which was okay.  i took a short nap, cleaned the dishes, took my prepped food out of the fridge to attain room temperature and went on with just fucking off the day.  i texted R, wrote a piece on FB and saw Syd out the door.  then i laid back a bit.

eventually, i cleaned my grill, set up my fire and got the meat ready,  i grilled two chicken breasts, two thighs, two small pieces of turkey kielbasa and a strip steak rare.  i sauteed the asparagus i'd prepped for the grill because i didn't feel like fucking around with dozens of asparagus stalks on an improvisational hibachi style grill, and i added some sliced mushrooms to the sautee.  i sat to eat around 4, and had some pudding afterwards.  i talked to R finally, she was helping her friend with some things, getting started on her journey towards her own orbit.  i ate more carbs than i should have, i know.  i ate a bag of popcorn as i watched tv later.  i'm sure it was more boredom than anything else, but i can't keep that kind of nonsense up.  it was a good day, a relaxed day.  i didn't make anything a problem and nothing was, and those are my favorite kinds of days.

this morning so far, i woke, i prayed, i took meds and insulin and i've been working on the interview, memorizing my lines so the flow will be more natural when R and i do it.  i'm thinking on the gym, as today is a weight day, but i haven't yet decided and i know if i go i'm going later, obviously.  i'm also contemplating going to the noon meeting today.  a lot of possibilities, a lot of 'what if's'.  but we'll see how it turns out and we'll let you know when we know, right?