live and learn

so, it happens.  you get sick.  things break down.  time is not on your side, ever, regardless of what the Stones said.  and it's fine.  it has to be, because to protest against time is to reveal your level of sociopathy.  and i know Toti at least is more balanced than that.

i am burning up, but my temperature is only up by one degree.  i now feel clammy and warm.  i've been feeling cold and brittle.  i have felt as if the antibiotic was working, but the pain remains, though i function better.  i have a pain in my foot now, as if the UTI and the gout are going to keep running in   connected cycles.  i'm taking the colcrys for the gout, head it off at the pass.  no more of the heavy pain pills, because i don't need to not feel anything, or i'll get used to not feeling anything and want more of that.  not cool.

i did pray this morning.  i did say my prayers but i laid across my bed to do so.  i did gather more needed things.  i did take my blood sugar reading, which was 188, likely from noshing on chocolate icing yesterday.  i did make myself a breakfast sandwich, egg, sausage and two pieces of whole wheat toast.  i did drink lots of water and cranberry juice, while the diet held out.  i did hook my mic up to the desktop.  i did make a grilled cheese for lunch.  i did move the bowels.  i did take my meds, including the lasix, as i want to flush the system.  i have been fucking around online.  i did talk to R today, and managed to not try to take her sadness about her daughters growing up.  i know the feeling, after all.  i did drink 3 cups of coffee.  but it wasn't the coffee VF sent, because i didn't specify to Syd and Jo that that's the coffee i wanted.  oh well, coffee is coffee after a day without.

i am about to take my fast acting again.  i'm going to pull the last of that roast out and make myself something to eat.  i'm going to take another antibiotic.  should i be blessed with breath in the a.m., i'm going to call my doctor and try to get my own antibiotic called in.  i'm going to call one main and find out about this lien on my cavalier.  i'm going to do as little as i can, as i still feel like shit.  and i've got not one damn thing on my calendar for the week, so i may not do one damn thing other than my wednesday meeting.  play it by ear.
thank you, Jehovah.  i am alive and that is by your grace.