this is Thursday morning. I didn't write yesterday, because this exhaustion is now a daily occurrence. i wake to it, it gets worse as the day goes on, i sleep by falling into unconsciousness, waking to prepare the sleep rituals of the normal night (binaural beats video, comfortable positioning). but there is something not right. i honestly don't know if i'm incubating a flu or what, but i am truly concerned about when it pushes on through, whatever it might be.
there is always a consideration that must be taken, when one is getting older.
okay, so i got up yesterday, sluggish and out of sorts. the alarm woke me, and i did get it moving, but it was with great difficulty. i had my prayer, my coffee and water, my medicines and my meditations and my scriptures. i ate breakfast. i got myself together. the night before, i'd spoken at an AA meeting, which went well, but it had me up til past 10pm, and that wasn't good.
but i got out of the house, got to work, got the day started. the first half wasn't bad, except for the fact that i had to pee while we were in route. it doesn't happen often, and my bladder has been reconditioning itself to accept the 2 1/2 hour wait until we return to the office. but it was urgent and insistent, and before the last pick-up we had to stop so that i, literally and physically restraining myself from peeing on myself, could get into a bathroom. it was the kind of thing where, as a man, you just hop out and stand on the side of your car and do what you need to do.
but we finished. and i got it moving again. i stopped at my parents for a moment, went to pick up Syd from her doctor's appointment, took her home and grabbed a quick, unsatisfying lunch. i made my way back to work, and we finished out the day. but i was already worn out by the afternoon. i had to stay with one of the wheelchairs because i knew it only had 3 of the 4 hooks securing it, and i did get the 4th hook in place but it wasn't done correctly. after we got done, i went to Sav-a-Lot in Hubbard, got some sausages, some wings and some veggies and came home. i made my dinner, laid down and passed out. that seems to be the thing these days. no variation to speak of.
i haven't really watched television in days. haven't tried to write, haven't edited, haven't worked on any music other than the video edit. i am up now for Thursday, and could easily go back to bed. whatever this is, i am putting it into God's hands, and i pray for His will to be done with it. i am grateful for life, and that includes the bad as well as the good.
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