it just seemed like an ordinary day when i woke up. i wasn't in a particular mood. i realized on Sunday that i was ready to go to work, that i was ready to get it started. i guess there's something about being in a house by yourself that makes the prospect of being at work far more appealing. but i got up, i prayed, i went to the kitchen and had my coffee, not very much of that. i've begun reducing my caffeine intake and i guess the next step is to replace the morning cup with a Starbucks double shot espresso in the can and be done with it til the weekend, as brewing even half a pot is making less sense. i took my medicine, read my books, got myself together for work and got out the door. i stopped at Walmart and got an apple for the Boss as i was taking her some of my soup, and i got a baker's dozen glazed donuts for the people at work. i did not partake of the donuts.
at work, i had what turned out to be a very good day. it was lively, conversive, animated and involved. i just let myself enjoy the day. and i am thanking my Creator for that, as my realization about where things are and what things had become last year allowed me to let it go for a moment, and that is a blessing.
i went to my parent's house between runs. i was going to hit the gym, but the monday meeting was moved up to 930 and that threw me off a bit, and then my mother wasn't feeling very well, so i stayed to keep an eye on her. i went to Giant Eagle, got us both a salad for lunch. i wanted to fix them breakfast but there wasn't really anything there and even the bacon that was there was moldy. never saw that before.
the afternoon finished as well as the morning had went, and i made my way home. i shaved my head and face, cooked and ate my dinner, played around on the computer a bit, editing TO DECEMBER for an hour and shut it down. that was the day, and it didn't involve consciously not journaling, but it didn't really involve much of anything consciously.
i can say that i'm feeling myself distancing from Yvette again. i have no illusions about her health, about where she might be at and i know i can't relate to what it is to be in a hospice, with an expiration date placed on you. but i can also say i don't intend to bear the brunt of anyone's bad feelings any longer. not my father, not Yvette, not anyone else. she was pretty busted up for a couple days this weekend, according to her, and is still pretty busted up for no discernible reason, according to her, but she signified that somehow i had just not wanted to talk to her because she hadn't heard from me. it makes me want to not bother, i'll be honest. but at the same time, i am trying to be good at my word that i'm not going to just bail on her. i don't feel guilt, either, about he past. i only feel that i have to figure in the karma aspects, as i get older, that i have to think about my own end-of-life and how alone i want to be during that period. but for now, i did call her yesterday around six, got no answer, and then got a call about 9pm, which i didn't answer because i was in bed. i don't know...
i had a great day, and i'm thankful to Jehovah for the blessing.
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