i got up at the usual time for me these days. i said my prayer on my knees, which was good. i got up and started coffee warming and had my water and my medicine and my readings. i made a frittata for breakfast, i ate and read and thought about why i seemed so out of it. i didn't have an answer to that. i didn't feel much like cleaning. i didn't feel much like doing anything, so that's exactly what i did. eventually i made my way to my parent's house, and i hung there for about an hour. i talked to my dad and mom, and i went to the store and i came home. my brother is planning on coming by for dinner tomorrow with his grandson after church, so i wanted to make sure i had something to feed them.
i came home and started working on my stuffed cabbage while i ate lunch. i also took down my coat and hoodie and some odds and ends clothes and washed them. i did no editing. i watched some anime online, i nodded briefly, i thought about the no one (besides Lonnie) that i can call on a regular basis. i listened to the sound of my thoughts so i could hear them in my voice. eventually i had dinner and am about to go to bed. i'm going to take my mom to the Hall tomorrow, i'm skipping the meeting as my brother is coming by.
i did order some clothes online, and i am glad that i did. i have done nothing really for myself since i started this position, and it seems a nice thing to do. i don't know why i'm feeling this void of emotions. i have no real motivation it seems. during the week, i get up because i have to, and i do my job because it's my job. but on the weekend it doesn't seem to matter. if i get up, fine, if i don't fine. i don't always feel this way, either. last week i was up and cleaning, and i felt good doing it. this week, Rachel runs through my brain and i feel the hollowness of my own life.
regardless, i am grateful to Jehovah for the blessing of one more day of life.
The Dining Room
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