well, to myself i apologize for not journaling yesterday. my thoughts were a bit of a jumble, and my actions were still irresponsible, but i should have just written that in preparation for today. so now, i recap. because even on a day that didn't play as planned, it still was productive enough. what should i start with?
well, i got up and was exhausted and unmotivated to the gym still. i couldn't sleep wednesday night, and when i looked at my phone and saw my alarm would be going off in about three hours and i wasn't sleep yet, i said 'fuck it', and turned off the alarm and went to sleep. i didn't wake til almost 7 in the morning. now, reality says i can still go to the gym later than 530, and that is the truth. but i don't. used to, but i don't now. don't even have an excuse. and that's healthy and unhealthy at the same time. i did get up eventually though.
i got up and i had coffee and my sugar was good. i said my prayers before anything else and i did my meditation books and my scriptures and took my insulin and pills. no crunches, no stretches. i made myself some breakfast and i started laying out as much of a plan as i could. my dad had been back in the Urgent Care again on wednesday, unable to move his bowels and worrying about everything, and i had planned to go check on him but i was also trying to take care of some things financially. the month draws to a close, mercifully, and i pray my calculations for March are on point. regardless, i didn't go to my parent's house. i called them, called my brother and then i went to the store. i wanted perch for dinner and i had to get a phone card. ended up with cod.
i talked to Rachel a couple of times. i'm already missing her, but i'll be somewhere else when she gets back from Arizona, so we're going to change the same as i am changing myself. (it dawns on me in all this that i'll be 49 in 2 months. time flies when you're going crazy) i talked to Lonnie as well, no worse for wear than usual. i was a bit taken aback; i ordered my medicine and paid my back bill, only to wake yesterday to find that they apparently charged me for this order as well. i usually pay a month behind. so my funds are lower than i thought they'd be, but i've got enough to ride out the rest of the month, God's grace. it just streamlines my plans a bit.
and then it hit me, later part of the day. i've been feeling...unproductive. and that's a crazy thought (time flies...) but it's what i came up with.
Hence, WAITING FOR JESUS. new cover, new medium.
i've edited it, made the corrections for the following stories that it is responsible for, as best as could be done without losing the pentameter or the integrity. i decided i needed to start the process of getting it into print. i spend the later afternoon designing the cover picture. sketched within perspective lines, filled in with pencil, colored the figures with coloring pencils and the background in chalk, sprayed it to fix the chalk and scanned it in when it was dry. in my mind's eye, there were more figures, all seven of the original protagonists, and Jesus standing between them with his hand raise for peace. but that's not my pay grade, not in my wheelhouse, lemme tellya. so i did what i could, and i like the results. and i think that kick started my mojo.
because i don't draw, but i do. i started off life drawing as a lie, because i'd trace pictures and tell people in my class i'd drawn them, and when called out i was determined to draw in order to turn a lie into a truth. (had to post an 'up and coming' on Tumblr, quick aside) yeah, i started drawing, and i liked it, but my brother Jerry is THE ARTIST. his is natural; mine is labored and takes a lot to execute. but my writing is another matter. and so, to do a cover for a book that i've written...i'd much rather have Jerry do it, but he is kind of strained himself since his strokes. so i enjoy the process. and though my artwork is very primitive, i like that my mind can still make my hand create what it sees, to some extent. it makes me feel good. and feeling good got me to the gym this Friday morning.
but that's for later. time to fly. thank you, Father.
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