Ownership

i don't know exactly what the static is going on with my mornings, but i'm going to push hard as hell tomorrow to get to the gym.

i got up and was dragging ass again.  i didn't get right out of bed and knew i needed to get to the gym.  i crashed out until about close to seven and finally got up.  i said my prayer, my sugar was good, i didn't stretch, didn't do crunches, and i didn't hit the gym.  i find it's important to log the things i'm neglecting, as well as the things i am doing on point.  the contrast tends to point toward what the issue might be.  i had a good sugar reading, i had a good breakfast, finally had my oatmeal.  i took a bath and i got my small flyers designed and saved, though i still need to upload them to my cloud.  i got my ass in gear and got out the house early to go pay the meeting rent.

i balanced out the meeting money, went to pay the rent, went up the street to the Fellowship hall and started coffee from the bag i brought with me.  then i locked up and went for a walk.  it wasn't a long walk, but it was a laborious one and it helped me to focus.  i came back, talked to my friend Bryan for a bit until people started coming in for the meeting.  I got the locker key back from Lester and i chaired the meeting.  it was a good one, and i got some things out that helped me where i am today.  the growing up never ends until the changes stop, because every new plateau in life dictates a person has to grow to learn to live in it and deal with it appropriately.  you can't play in a game you don't know anything about, not successfully.  so i got some good from the meeting today.

went to lunch with Lonnie, found my dad had gone back to urgent care, came home, waited around for Syd to get home so we could have a conversation, necessary.  Syd is failing in math, and making poor excuses for everything.  i doubt seriously if anything i say is going to impact on her, but it has to be said so that it can't be said that nothing was ever said.  i told her that she has to start owning her part of things so she can start changing her actions to work for her.  then i talked to Rachel, had my dinner, washed the dishes, took the trash to the curb.  i'm going to shut it down soon so i can make sure i get my ass up and hit all the marks tomorrow.

ownership is a funny concept.  some things that i have to own i want no parts of, and so i give them away by looking at the faults of others and trying not to look at my own.  other things, i want to own desperately, like praise and credit for the things that i do right.  the truth is, one without the other is bullshit, either way you slice that cake.  praise belongs to God, and i give credit to God for all the good things that happen in my life.  there is no bad lesson, if i learn from it, and it makes fault into a foundation for good change and strength for future trials.  but it takes practice.  it takes work and more work.  and in the end, all that i can do is to put one foot in front of the other and keep it moving.  if i do that, blame or praise just ride the train, and i'm just a passenger right along side them.  but it takes some time before a person can learn the truth in that.  so, thank you, Jehovah, for allowing me to live long enough to give credit where it's due and learn from the mistakes i make.