checking ignition

...at the closing of this monday...at the end of February.
i didn't do much about Black History month this year.  i remember on yahoo 360 it was fun, to offer up so much information on the history of black people in America, all the contributors that history wants to forget.  but on FB, it's just one more confrontation that sheds very little light and brings even less enlightenment.  oh, well...

so i hit the gym today.  i did the treadmill.  sugar was good, and i ate much better.  took meds, insulin, read scripture and meditation books.  i went to my parent's house to wash clothes.  i watched a movie with my mother.  i went on a quick run with my brother to grab some scrap he needed help with.  i did catch up to Lonnie today.  no fuss from Syd, but i have to remind her about her appointment on thursday.  i had a good lunch, i have been pretty silent this evening.  i printed my quarter fliers and cut them and i'll print off my booklist and my presentation tomorrow i'm going to need ink for my business cards, though.  but that's okay, i'll get them done.  i tried to find a way to change the message on my business message phone but was unsuccessful so far.

i wonder at my hesitancy to really get my shit together.  i mean, its not all that much of a chore with Syd and Joe staying here and paying rent.  i only really have to mostly stay away.  i don't have to move anything, and i don't have to change my address.  i have to get my stuff for the road and get on the road.  and that's not incredibly difficult to do.  but i'm moving slow.  and i know its just there's an undercurrent of apprehensiveness and sadness.  chapters ending do that to me.  maybe it's a writer's thing.  i still cry when i read the end of "Old Lazarus".  regardless, come friday, i'm heading to southern Ohio, to get this process started.  and i'm going to be okay, no matter what.  i'm certain of that.  i believe that Jehovah has brought me through to this point, and i believe there is a purpose in being here.  so i'll not run; i'm not going to flee from my life again.  but i have to be truthful here, because if i'm dishonest here, it means i'm being dishonest in my own heart, and that is a dangerous habit to get into.

thank you, Father, for a peaceful and safe day.