i got up with the alarm, a difficult awakening. i said my prayers, but i haven't stretched or done crunches in days and today was not the exception. but i got into gym clothes, i had water and coffee, and i took my sugar reading (126 i think) and read my meditation books and scripture. then i went to the gym. i did the treadmill today, came home, took my meds and my insulin and had breakfast. i had a day planned and tried to keep steady moving toward getting the things done that were on my list.
i went and washed the car when i left back out around 9, after i had gotten my information together to put in an app at the Hotel California treatment center. Yes, I know how it sounds. anyway, i washed the car and went to Austintown and put in my app and left my resume. then i came back home, laid down for a bit and put more meditation on the knot i've been working on. eventually, i went to the store, got a head of cabbage to go with my dinner, got some soup and some cheese. i came home, made myself some lunch, watched some television and thought some more. i cleaned my kitchen, i went back out to get something light because i was hungry a few hours after lunch.
eventually Syd came home with Joe in tow. i talked to Joe first about my thoughts, as he'd been asking questions about the financial part of living here. after he left to go to school i talked to Syd about some of the same things. i fixed my dinner, which i had prepped for (chicken wings, cabbage and a baked potato) and after i ate i made Syd some breakfast for dinner. then i cleaned my mess, told Syd to wash her dishes and put coffee on for the morning and i came into my room, talking to Rachel.
now, the Gordian knot. one of my favorite fables/legends/lessons. first, the story, as related through mythencyclopedia.com:
In Greek and Roman mythology, the Gordian knot was an extremely complicated knot tied by Gordius, the king of Phrygia in Asia Minor*. Located in the city of Gordium, the knot came to symbolize a difficult problem that was almost impossible to solve.
According to legend, Gordius was a peasant who married the fertility goddess Cybele. When Gordius became king of Phrygia, he dedicated his chariot to Zeus* and fastened it to a pole with the Gordian knot. Although the knot was supposedly impossible to unravel, an oracle predicted that it would be untied by the future king of Asia.
Many individuals came to Gordium to try to undo the knot, but they all failed. Then, according to tradition, the Greek conqueror Alexander the Great visited the city in 333 B . C . After searching unsuccessfully for the hidden ends of the Gordian knot, Alexander became impatient. In an unexpected move, he took out his sword and cut through the knot. Alexander then went on to conquer Asia, thus fulfilling the oracle's prophecy. Alexander's solution to the problem led to the saying, "cutting the Gordian knot," which means solving a complicated problem through bold action.
now, as this relates to my current events. i've looked at this from all sides. i cannot get back to ground zero as long as i'm covering all bills here and staying landlocked. i also cannot make the moves needed to get my name out there as a writer or a business from this address. Syd wants to move in with Joe, and they want their own place, but for whatever reasons (financial, i'm certain), they are unable to make that happen and were planning to move in with Joe's mother, who is supposedly a racist and according to them both, 'stupid'. then, there's my dad, who is determined that things should not happen as such, my mom who is worried, neither of them listening to me telling them that they're right, but things are going to happen as they're going to happen. not to mention, all the work that goes into separating my important stuff, setting up shop elsewhere, most of which entails cleaning out both my parent's basement and part of Lonnie's garage (storage). but through me, and i say that because i am not clever or wise enough to have pulled Alexander's sword on this one, a resolution was presented: allow Syd and Joe to live here, as renters. without me being here.
my plan is to move into my grandfather's house. i am not going to sign a lease somewhere else. but i am giving up this space, because i'm giving up these bills. if they live here, are responsible for the rent, the utilities and their own food, they get a chance to learn to be responsible. my stuff can stay here, because i am still the primary lessee. but, and this is strange but true; Syd is also a lessee on this apartment. because the landlord who purchased it from my original landlord had her sign the lease as well. therefore, she has a legal right to stay here.
they can pay the rent, pay the utilities. i can leave all that in my name. if they're not paying, i will know because i keep track of my stuff online. i won't have to change my mailing address, won't need to move my equipment, have my meds shipped elsewhere. i won't need to do anything except get my informational stuff together, get my ass in the car and roll to where my compass points me. it is not, mind you, a perfect situation. but it is ideal, and it is still sacrifice to make room for next things. and they're close enough, in a known location, to be checked up on, and to check up on the grandparents.
i am putting it in Jehovah's hands. i believe it will work out. but i am blessed either way, that a way becomes clearer if i continue doing the next right thing. thank you, Father.
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