the year nears its conclusion...but not for me.  i am just in finishing the third month of my year long orbit.  its been interesting so far.  nothing like i wanted it to go, but that's understandable.  and it's been a learning excursion so far, also not out of the realm of reality.
today has been another of those low energy, low maintenance days, by dint of nothing scheduled and no need to burn energy without purpose.  prayers and gym and returning movies.  writing and cooking and napping.  spoke to R and spoke to TP and am just waiting for sleep to sweep me under.  i know its coming.  i wish that i had days of eventful things, and the truth is, i do, but i don't always pay attention as i should.  like, i came to understand this morning that i believe my inner child, toti, has been fairly happy for a few weeks now, maybe up to a month.  i haven't been stressing, and the only harsh i've had is R not coming by.  so what do you do?  mom's been gone for a month, back tomorrow.  that could be part of it.  and Syd is doing somewhat better in school, could also be part of it.  but i think it's doing the work on me i need to do, doing this on a daily basis for the most part, and not trying to find a shortcut but being willing to walk this all the way through.
happiness on the inside.  what a fucking concept.  i'm listening to the Dell's version of Parliament's 'all your goodies are gone'...phenomenal.  my sponsor would love this.