sunday again.  i just read something that stated how a broken heart is processed by the same area of the brain as physical pain is.  you wonder at time who receives money to state the obvious and why you yourself have no access to giveaway money such as this.  or, at least, i do.
i don't know what i'm going to do today.  i'm bummed.  i didn't get to hang with R yesterday.  haven't had that chance in way too long.  finding myself drifting, mentally, emotionally.  needs that i won't acknowledge as needs, wants that are strong enough to compromise my integrity, almost.  i want to stay in bed.  i want to hurt someone or something.  i'm sad.  i'm lonely and i'm bored.  i don't want to plan anything because what's the point?  she's not taking advantage of me, not taking me for granted either.  she has children, as i have a child.  she is doing it solo, same as me.  but i want more.  i want her.  selfish, i know, but this is honesty and lies leave me compromised.
i've had a rough day.  it's been a very uneventful day, but inside my head, the blues have been prevalent.  i didn't want to be bothered.  i didn't go to the Hall, and i didn't go to the meeting.  I let Bob know i wasn't going , but i didn't answer the phone for Marc and I didn't text Matt back.  i eventually spoke to Tina but didn't have anything to say as i told her i was in a shitty mood and that didn't seem to resonate.  i didn't want to distance myself, but i am allowed down days from time to time.
i'm going to go to bed, go to the gym in the morning and move my day in a more productive way than today moved.  i don't know.  i am grateful for life, but i'm lonely as fuck right about now.