Maintenance

it's about 830 in the evening.  talking to R, thinking back on the day.  it's been another day of peacefulness, another day of moving forward by degrees.  another day of thought.  i like thought.  i like processing things, feeling what i feel and allowing those feelings to change the way i perceive things at any given time.
i started the day with prayer.  i got to the gym at five thirty and worked on weight machines for forty-five minutes.  i came home, did some writing, had some coffee and took Syd to her bus, attempting to speak to her again.  i came back home, had breakfast and wrote and chilled until it was time for my podiatrist appointment.  got to my doctor just before 830 am, he said all seemed well with my feet and i endured him cutting my toe nails.  it is endurance.  i hate someone putting sharp objects anywhere near my feet.  i called my brother on my way back up Belmont, and then i went to my parent's house to take the trash out for them which my brother usually does.  i talked to my dad for a minute and i talked to my aunt for a minute as well.  then i came home.  i took my meds and then i went to my meeting.  it was a decent meeting, but it always makes me sad to have so few people in meetings where we once had almost standing room only.  but it is what it's supposed to be at the moment.  i came back home and started working on dinner prep and writing some more, then decided i was hungry and went to taco bell, which was a mistake.  got some food, came back home and chilled til Syd got home from school.  i cooked dinner, watched the latest episode of Doctor Who, made a beef pot pie, chicken and fish and scalloped potatoes and i ate my dinner while Syd was out.  then i talked to Tina briefly, wrote a bit more and came in my room to relax.  R called, and we spoke for a while and that's where i was at when i started this.
i am responding to some things far better than i'm accustomed to.  one of the promises of the 12 step program, in a section that is often mistakenly called the 12 promises, it states 'we will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us'.  this and the other promises come as the result of cleaning personal space, 'clearing away the wreckage of our pasts' as it were.  being in the process of doing that now, i am finding that some solutions manifest themselves more quickly than they used to and i am happy about that.  it is an indication of the changes that are happening.
sometimes someone tells you they can see the change in you, as R did yesterday, and that feels good.  but sometimes, every now and then, you're able to see it yourself, and that feels GREAT.  and it allows me to build on it, to know that if i keep doing the work, i'll keep getting the results.  'we are not cured; what we have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition'.  this is the truth.  Thank you, father, for the day, and for the night to come.