ownership

thinking in terms of the changes i'd like to see manifested, i can't subscribe to 'new year's resolutions', because any promises that i make to myself i can't really make as a 'consciousness of the kind' decision.  like quitting smoking.  when i quit, a friend was going to quit with me.  i'd been fucking around with the notion up til then; stop and start, have 'just one' that i 'borrowed' from someone else.  playing at quitting.  but when i stopped, i stopped. i quit quitting and just quit.  and my friend, who was supposed to quit with me and we'd support each other, she's still smoking today.  so, what i know is the decisions i'm serious about need no validation from someone else's action, they need no cosigning.  they belong to me, and i own them and therefore i have to act on them for my own good.  every person for themselves in that regard.
today wasn't bad.  slow moving because the cold came in.  prayed, had coffee, got Syd off to school.  with with my brother to my dad's union hall to pick up food basket.  after i took my aunt to work.  went to gym.  was shaky because i took my insulin early, went to the gym later and hadn't eaten anything.  had breakfast, worked on the editing of the book, TF texted to come by and put in some aps on the computer.  drank coffee, ate soup with her.  let her do her thing on the computer while i went to get my aunt from her job site.  edited, edited, edited.  got the living room pretty much done.  called T but didn't talk much, which is odd as she was calling me around the clock for weeks.  made dinner, talked to R, now in bed.  it hasn't been a very detailed day, but it's been a day and i'm happy with it.  i'm going to have to reapply myself to a stricter discipline, eating and working out. i want to be at 320 by my birthday,  it's do-able.  but only if i own it and do it.  going to sleep so i can get up and finish cleaning and finish this edit.  good things just over the horizon, i believe that.  thank you, Jehovah, for a productive day.