surrealism

there are days when things seem to be very out of sorts.  surreal, i guess would be as good a word as any.  these are days when i can't really put my finger on any particular thing.  nothing is wrong, nothing is especially right, and things just sort of move along until they reach a new time, or a plateau, or the next day, i guess.
i woke early but didn't move til later.  i went to the gym after i took Syd to the bus.  i only did a mile on the treadmill today, just wasn't feeling anything more than that.  i had a pretty normal breakfast, counseling was good, inasmuch as looking through the similarities between what i and VF are currently experiencing goes.  i think that is part of the surrealism, though i wouldn't change it.  counselors, by their trade, are at times very emotionally detached.  they have to be, because they are essentially the canvas upon which a willing and open client can paint abstracts of their emotional imagery, and the counselor can then use their intake skills to change the blots and blurbs into a coherent picture.  i've never enjoyed counseling like that.  if i can't feel you, i can't see any point to giving you access to me.  its just the way i am.  so to have a counselor going through some very human things, it makes it easier for me to share, to speak from the inside, to trust.  not all of us have the ability to trust those with whom we have put our minds and mentalities in the care of.  i trust VF implicitly.
after counseling, i went home and tried to nap though i said i wouldn't and, in fact, i didn't.  i cleaned my living room and dining room.  i worked on a a pot of mostly white turkey chili and i listened to music.  this wasn't a writing day, but i wanted it  to be.  i got a visit from my brother who brought me a container of chili and a sleeve of crackers and i gave him the coffee i got for him yesterday.  i finished making my own chili and i watched some television.  i debated on the store and decided no point putting the cart before the horse, which is to say i had no verification R was coming by today so what would it really be getting ready for?
the evening was eating chili, talking to Lonnie and R and mailing off a letter to j&fs.  i visited my dad and aunt, and i came home and fucked around on the internet.  i don't know...these are good days in that they are uneventful.  but they're not so good days for the same reason.  i am restless.  but restlessness won't kill me.  
i am hoping for time with R tomorrow.  i am hoping to write and cook and drink coffee and finish my cleaning and have some intimate time.  i don't want to want it too badly, because therein lies disappointment.  i want to wake up, and the day will take care of itself should that happen.  i am grateful for this life, and all that comes with it, for learning or teaching.