i posted a comment about the fantasy of Christmas today, not the lights and gifts and goodwill towards mankind bullshit. the fantasy, as in the mass delusion that is subscribed to by an entire country just about, that a man, actually a hyperthyroidal elf from the North Pole has somehow gained the power to deliver, to all the morally guilted 'good' children on earth, a bunch of toys that somehow their parents DIDN'T pay for, all in one night with flying deer tethered to his sled. this is a mass lie that is subscribed to and co-signed by just about every adult in America and millions of others in so-called 'developed' countries. its enough to make me wonder about the true nature of insanity in the world today. point being, there are things that we as a nation or as people decide to believe in, though there is no real basis for that belief and in fact it mostly works against us in the long run. such as the subscription to the fictionalization of the institution of slavery. or the denial system that is constantly reinforced that says there is no racism, sexism, class-ism or even alcoholism in this country, that those are mostly all figments of whatever group's imagination who don't want to 'pull themselves up by their bootstraps'. but it is enough to make you wonder. you don't have to be liberal or conservative, you can simply want truth to be your guiding light...but then you get labeled a hippie and they still have a box for you. and i guess that is the whole point to me. the boxes that we end up packaged in and become content with despite how they don't do us a whole lot of good.
Christmas for my family was a tumultuous time when i was a kid. i've gone over that far too many times for me to indulge myself now...Jehovah's Witnesses and Baptist wars over flying turkeys and overturned tables...nuff said. but there was something more, something that was truly the lesson that at least my brother Jerry and I, and likely Rob as well, learned from and adapted when we became men.
my dad never really gave an inch on his beliefs, but my mom did. my dad would go out, last night before christmas, and he would buy everything for everyone that night. or at least the people he just wanted to make sure he didn't forget. he'd go to Consolidated mostly, which mutated into Big Lots. and we'd go through and he load up his basket for things for his family, our family, my mom's people, and he'd tell us to get what we wanted. He'd stay up all night wrapping our stuff to put under his Charlie Brown tree. and despite the fact that we didn't believe, that they were in a land war without apparent end, that we were learning to hate him and fear him though he never gave us a hungry or cold or unsheltered day...he made sure we had his version of the holiday.
my mom, over the years, has pretty much given up on progress in her religion. she was as rigid as they come, to the point of censoring our movies, music and entertainment of all kinds, even having someone come in as an 'exorcist' for my sister at one point because there were zodiac symbols on a lamp in her room (likely purchased by my dad). witchcraft, magic, violent sports, monsters, etc, were all banned...but not today. now she's a Harry Potter aficionado, she has friends who curse and she is pretty indulgent in whatever she wants to be. i suppose we were the prize, but there were no winners. but my dad hasn't changed. still attends his church when he wants to, still buys presents for whom he chooses, but he doesn't put up the Charlie Brown tree anymore.
i don't believe in Christmas at all. its a pagan ritual fused with the Roman calendar in order to bring the first century 'christians' into their belief system. its got more to do with Odin than Jesus. but i've let my daughter have a tree...usually in her room, because i'm not into it. i've let her hang lights in her window. i have abused the belief in Santa Claus to no end, even telling Deja and Syd that he was killed breaking into a house. but the real deal was, i let them know that i bought them what i could and since i worked and hustled for their shit i wasn't giving credit to any fictional white man. i don't have a problem with that today.
but its enough to make me think about what this really means to people. what is so powerful of a motivation that a person would endorse a lie to their children, year after year, when the truth that their parents indulged them with what they wanted because they decided to behave themselves for most of the year would be a much more touching situation and actually a lesson that would continue past that moment, wouldn't it? i would like to know where the lie originally began being endorsed, because as i said, it's not the only big lie that the majority of people buy into. but it is the most enigmatic one, in my observation.
eating has been on and off and on today. i'm currently making meat loaf, a baked potato and greens. i had two slices of pizza for lunch, and an egg sandwich for breakfast. i went to my meeting and saw friends and even one or two people i can't stand. i prayed for forgiveness for my judgmental attitiude, but it didn't go away. i am going to write now, else this iced coffee is going to fuck up my sleep for nothing. i guess that's about it, got the engines fired and we're moving again, and we're going to try to get back on our flight path, so that this orbit will show us what we need to see. Thank you, Jehovah, for your correction and the direction that i need.
No comments:
Post a Comment