good morning. sorry about the past 2 days, there's been a lot going on. not that i should use that as an excuse, but for certain there is a lot that i have to answer. to myself, if no one else, and for myself, so that i am keeping myself honest.
as stated the changes have already began. but i can see that there's a problem with the physical activity, and there shouldn't be. this is monday, January 1st. so i am going to write and force myself to dance. but that would put it in the vein of a NY's resolution, and i hate that. why haven't i danced in the days preceding this one? i don't know. laziness, the cold, the pain...all the excuses i can fit on my plate from the excuse buffet, but not one good reason. that's all the beating i'm going to give myself, however. no more of that, not today anyway.
saturday and sunday i've been to my parent's house for varying reasons. but it's been good to see them. Saturday i went to the Person Centered Services facility to do a bunch of signing paperwork. i have the job, but i have to either get my CPR/first aid certification from CCA or i have to take it again. regardless, i'm blessed and grateful. yesterday i had to pick up a prescription from Rite-Aid so i stopped at my parent's house again. just for a brief spell, make sure they're doing okay.
it's been bitter cold the last several days. i woke this morning to zero degrees outside on my weather app. it makes me sad to know there are those who are sleeping under the bridges and down in Tent City (if they haven't continued to run them out), just surviving in this brutal cold. that alone reinforces the blessings that i have. i have to be able to keep that at the forefront of my conscious mind though. you lose gratitude when you forget that some don't even have what you think you are barely subsisting on and they are grateful for less than you've got if it means warmth in the belly, a moment to forget and somewhere to sleep, someone to talk to.
hey, check these out:
my mother gave these to me. i love the large electric skillet. i can envision cooking something communal, right at the table, and having guests by to load up from the pot and eating with conversation and food and something good to drink. the grill is going to be a learning experience, but i only need a small grill as i'm only one person. i've been more than willing to build grills in the past, enjoying the act of making something from nothing. but i am very appreciative of the thoughtfulness that these entail.i've had two days of Rachel dreams lately. i guess the binaural beats are working overtime, sorting through the detritus of my subconscious. not last night, but Friday and Saturday nights. i still miss her. i doubt if that's ever going to end, but that's okay. when love dies, the world will truly know what anguish is.
i'm going to build my food page now, and i'm going to include a link to it at the end of every entry, so that i can keep this stuff parallel. hold on for a minute.
okay, this is the link: https://feedindaface.blogspot.com/ this will take you to my food log, with pictures eventually of the meals themselves and thoughts about eating specific issues. it will double my journaling but will streamline my work into one place and make my accountability, per the Steps, more significant. okay, on with the day. writing, dancing, cleaning a bit and chilling. check the food log later.
at almost 7pm, i have just finished my food log for the day. interesting process. i'm going to have to utilize my phone when i start working, as i have to keep track of everything in order to change things they used to say in OA, 'it's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you'. i can dig that, but i only know to become aware of what i'm putting in my face, and this Journey will give me a parallel indication of what might be eating me at those times. anyway, i didn't dance...yet. i've done no major cleaning, but my dishes are done. i have to put my beans away. tomorrow i've got to hit the store, i need stuff. i have no real plans other than that. but i am grateful. i did email some online colleges for information and i'm going to look through that tonight. i have a movie to finish and i have nothing on my calendar for Tuesday so i'll figure it out should i wake up to Tuesday. but i thank Jehovah for a day of awareness.
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