the body is a mass of sensation and triggers.  that's pretty much the human experience, in my life learnings.  you have sensations, and you learn to make sense of them over time, sense being whatever or however the world tells you to react or respond to those sensations.  and then things happen to trigger those sensations over and over and over again, to gain the looked-for reaction the world would like to see from you, or your peers or educators or whomever.  and it doesn't change very much over time.  perhaps that's the deal with the genuine -isms of the world, is man's attempt to short circuit the cycle of sensation/trigger to give themselves a bit of peace...even if it means checking out of the whole fucking world for a little while, eh?

i'm writing this now because i doubt if i am long for the evening.  the day was fine, i am just still in adjustment mode with the new job.  i got up super-early, like 330am, and i said my prayer and got my ass moving, with the alarm set for 4am.  i read scripture and meditation books, i had breakfast of steak, eggs and toast, and i had one cup of coffee....ONE CUP OF COFFEE.  that is inhumane to the extreme, but i am trying to keep the flow (no pun intended) of our runs without stopping to piss.  so...sacrifice, right?  OOOPS, menu item alert.  you can find the rest at The Dining Table, got in my three squares today. 

anyway, i got to work early, got on the road on time, and had a pretty quick morning.  good conversation, good journeying.  one client didn't really want to ride today, but that wasn't a deterrent.  back at the office, there was an in-service between our drop-offs and pick-ups, nothing extreme, as i thought it would be.  then i grabbed some lunch, dozed in and out for a bit, and went on the pick up runs. 

had a few 'learning moments', like when the lift wasn't working to put one client on, when i couldn't operate the controls of his chair when getting him off, and when a client didn't want to sit back down after i asked him to stand to give another passenger room to exit the bus.  i have to remind myself constantly that i am new and being trained by my driver, i am not expected to do this job perfectly.  but i'm learning.  and it is worthwhile work.  i can't say for sure that this job is all aboveboard; there are elements that are strangely and unsettlingly like the bullshit with the 'opioid epidemic' outbreak of treatment facilities.  but there's no getting around that we are doing something worthwhile, and that these are just people in need of some basic human kindness, which of course is not so basic nor so human anymore.  sad to say.

anyway, i'm going to be shutting it down soon.  i would hope, with the weather about to break bad, that they would cancel the workshops and call us to tell us to stay home tomorrow. but either way, if i work, cool, i get paid...if i don't, cool, i sleep in a bit before counseling.  i am so grateful to Jehovah.  i needed to remember how to learn, how to smile and how to appreciate a life of innocence again.