Time.

eventually, there has to come a point where there is a getting on with it.  and that is usually a decision that is made, and the subsequent actions that denote the validity of the decision.

it's time to get on with it.

i got up this morning after another night of up and down pissing.  kind of tired of that, but the bladder's gonna do what it's gonna do.  slept well enough otherwise.  i have prayed, i've read scripture, i've read from a daily meditation book.  i've had breakfast, two scrambled eggs with cheese, a sausage and a piece of toast.  a chocolate chip cookie, because why not?  two cups of coffee, a cup of milk, and two glasses of water.  i've searched for coffee on sale, as we need some for the meeting today, and i am going to go to Sav-a-lot to buy some Folgers as they have it on sale right now.  

yesterday i went by my parent's house to pick up my insulin and other meds.  i talked to my mom for a bit, and i talked to my dad as well.  i'd gotten a communication from Syd, and we're scheduled to have a meal and a visit on Saturday, but i place no validity on that.  nothing on her, i just believe what i can perceive anymore, i don't take anyone's word for anything unless they've shown a capacity for good self-judgment in the recent past.  i talked to my sponsor two days ago and am scheduled to visit him after the meeting today.  i am going to do exactly that, but i am not going to pour my soul out to him, regardless of his desire to teach someone something.  its nothing against him; i'm working on me, and i'm willing to do the work.  not that i couldn't use some guidance, right about now.  but i'm going to keep trudging and eventually i'm going to come out of this tunnel.  

i had a good chili and cornbread for dinner yesterday.  i went to an auction with my uncle, but found nothing i was looking for.  it was interesting to see people hungry in the throes of their purchasing frenzy.  like watching the patrons at the strip clubs when i was younger, knowing that money was about to be given for a momentary thrill and then disappointment.  

i feel okay today.  i don't need anymore than that to start the day.  clothes are washed, dishes will be, and i will be too.  about to take my first shower in this house...YIKES.  don't have bath accessories just yet.  waiting for my money to load from CCA, hope they're not fucking around on this shit.  but if they are, I have more faith in my God than in their resentment.  

it's good to be able to say that.  I have faith.  i believe things are what they are supposed to be, that i'm where i'm supposed to be, and that i'm going where i'm supposed to go.  

i miss Rachel still, but that's not the worst thing in the world.  

thank you, Jehovah, for your patience and your provisions.  

later.