just about done

this is my grandmother, Mary, and my grandfather, Robert L Thomas.  this picture was in a box, for storage, i'd imagine.  i don't really understand why they were put away, but one of my next projects is to find where they should hang and to find pictures of my other grandparents and my mother and father, to hang with them as my immediate ancestors.  that is a thing i want to do.

so, the day went okay.  i got over to the house fairly early, and though B and his crew were running late, i did get some of the stuff started before they pulled in.  i helped the woman who was cleaning a bit, but i'd decided that since i was commissioned to do nothing, nothing is what i'd do, but i'd do it constructively and take myself to a meeting.  so that's what i did.

i went to the noon CA meeting, and it was good to see Greg whom i don't see much of anymore.  it was good to see a new face as well, a young white brother who had a familiar air about himself.  more on that in a minute.  there were about 8 of us altogether, still a sad departure from our old days of full rooms.  the discussion was as bad as ever, with a lot of showboating, sound and fury signifying nothing.  but the new guy spoke, and then i got a sense of his familiar air; he is a resident at a different facility at the place i work.  under the same guidelines, just housed in a different place.  and it dawned on me that this was as much a sign as praying to Jehovah this morning about whether Rachel could be in my life again and then finding autumn leaves in my summer car...change that is happening.  so i talked to the dude after the meeting,and i gave him a ride to the facility, or around the corner from it, as i didn't want him to get in any trouble.  i gave him my phone number, which could get myself into some ethical shit, but i don't really care.  then i went back east...

...and for the most part, the work was done.  things were orderly, cleaned off and arranged about as neatly as nothing in particular could be.  and i felt...strange.  i felt as if i had received something that i truly wasn't expecting.

it's been a rough year.  i can't lie.  it's been hard, it's been losses and frustration and disappointments.  the apartment gone, my stuff gone, Syd gone.  Syd grown and me trying to figure out just who i am without being an active father.  Rachel gone, and with her a large fucking chunk of my heart.  not writing, not working on my company.  lonely, bored, unmotivated, uninspired, depressed, sad, despondent to a degree.  wanting something nice, something fresh in my life, and nothing coming down the pike.  flirting with checking out.  

i have a place to start from now.  i have a place where i can figure out who i am, where i can see exactly what it is that i want to be.  

i just have to find a bed now.  

i am grateful to Jehovah God for the day.