misery, mystery, mystory

some people would call it 'mystery'.

they ask, but only in generalized tones.  they want to know, but long after the veil of misery has settled upon the person, long after perception filters have done their job.

they don't want to know how far down you are.  they just mostly want to know...if they have a responsibility in what you're experiencing.  and when they see they are not on the hook...they vanish again.

misery is a lonely business.

i am in pain.  feet and ankles, both sides.  i don't know if my call off text was received, but my phone will serve as all the evidence i need to the fact that i did reach in to be out of work today.  i could have gone.  maybe for the lack of any real productivity i should have gone.  but i elected not to go.  and what comes from that will belong to me, and i'm okay with that.

counseling was bad because i was sleepy.  sleep has been a poor exercise.  i didn't wake cramped, which was a relief, but that's about the best of it.  i had a breakfast sandwich before i went to counseling.  i did a load of clothes.  i made salmon croquettes and rice and broccoli and cheese for dinner.  gout, neuropathy, whatever this is, it's going to be a rough spell.

misery, mystery, mystory.

i am grateful, but i am in pain.  like self-fulfilling prophecy.  do i bring this forward to justify needing to not be in a toxic environment?

i'm going to sleep soon.

thank you, Father, for the day.