willfully blind

i am finding that this journey is more about lessons that occur along the lifepaths of space, which of course is just a metaphor for the day to day sunrise to sunset steps i have to take if i am blessed with breath, than about any actual deviation from my long-term orbit from before.  the Orbit could have been summed up with Pink Floyd's lyrics from 'Wish You Were Here'...'running over the same old ground of how we found the same old fears'.  But the Journey is more like the application of Funkadelic's Good Thoughts, Bad Thoughts, of which i'm providing a link with lyrics, because some wisdom simply has to be consumed rather than pondered.

today i woke up in a good spirit, having decided to dispense with further vegathons.  i got my prayer done, i checked my sugar which was a bit high, i took insulin and meds and i read my meditations and my scripture.  i took it slow, after coffee and breakfast, as i knew i was going to the Kingdom Hall and the CA meeting.  i had bacon and eggs; i'd decided to make grits but it turned out less than favorable and i'm glad it did.

the Hall was a really cool thing, other than the notion of being sleepy when being spoken to in a lecture format for a period of time.  old habit, i guess.  but i got the gist of the talk, and the Watchtower lesson was on faith, and it was stuff that i need to remember.  it was good to go; i love going to a place and being smiled at and greeted warmly and it has always been that way, since i was a kid.  most of the recovery meetings used to be that way, but they are mostly not anymore.

i went from there to the meeting, spoke to Rachel along the way.  she had something her mother asked her to do and said she'd likely just get dropped off here later.  the meeting wasn't long, the chapter was very good, familiar story, much like my own in so many ways.  i ate a lemon bar at the meeting that Matt brought and had to take fast acting insulin afterward, it was so fucking sweet.  the kolachi was much better.  i had a piece of each.  i talked to an associate afterward about some thoughts they were sorting through, and i made my way home.

once here, i hung up my suit jacket and shirt and took a shower.  i had soup and the crack chicken (still a horrible name) and meatballs for lunch.  i watched some television.  i've just heated up a pizza for dinner.  i'm not sure Rachel's going to make it, but i knew when she said her mother was sad about something today that her arrival was doubtful.  thing is, it's what i figured for the season.

one of the things i realized about the veg-a-thon is that i would have loved to spend the so-called holiday weekend with Rachel, but the dinner with her family was a great idea, and they vie for her time on any other occasion so why not now?  i don't know if she'll make it, but i know that i extended the invitation, and if she wants to come she will find a way.  but i am going to eat, watch some more television, and get ready for the week ahead, one day at a time.  wait for my call from Paul at the JCC, wait for Retail Data to call for my second interview and just keep it moving.  i don't feel like i did yesterday.  i feel resolved in purpose.  thoughts, the seeds that i plant are good seeds, the fruit they will yield will be good fruit.  the law of nature.  i'm blessed and fed spiritually, and i thank my Father for that.