well, i missed my entry yesterday. not surprising. my emotions are settling back in. a lot going on, a lot to process. so i keep it moving.
i slept well, i got up easily and got my prayer in. i stretched, first time in several days, and i got on my gym stuff. i had coffee and water, read my meditation books but saved the scripture until i got home. i went to the gym, did weights, came home and read from the bible. blood sugar was 122. i made breakfast, i got my feet together and went to Dr. Jackson. good to be able to report that sugars have been good and that meds have changed for the better. i gave Dr. Jackson my proposal letter for his assistance in getting word out about Z-Phyles. I went to the store and got some stuff for lunch. i put in an application at the check smart place at the union square plaza. i went to lunch with Lonnie. I'd talked to Rachel earlier in the day, and i just got off the phone with her again. i talked to my mom and my brother came by and borrowed the vacuum cleaner. i am tired, it has been a long several days, but i'm ready to shut it down anyway so that's cool.
some things going on that i need to keep an eye on. i'm putting in applications because my financial situation is about to change drastically. i believe i said something about it; the SSI for Syd with me as payee ends when she turns 18, and that means a third of my operating funds are cut. i knew this day was coming, and i have a sort of plan, but it was for another 6 months down the line. strangely, the only real irritation i feel is in the fact that Syd doesn't seem to want to listen still. her head is wrapped around Joe; that is appropriate for her age. but she's going to learn the hard way. she could go back to her grandparent's house, finish the year and then do whatever the hell she wants to do. instead she's going to try to find some way to move around the corner where they've been playing house with the woman who used to live next door to us, and i am not going to try to stop her. you can't learn if you don't ever fuck up, nor if you never try.
another thing i'm watching is Rachel's attitude. i don't believe she's aware at how irritable she comes across most of the time now. things have changed between us, i know they have. i don't know how, and to be honest (and amazingly so), i am not worried about it. Rachel has the ability and the desire to be strong in my corner, but she's so invested in who she's been that who she is going to be is almost going through a breach birth. i can't help her with that. it was a good weekend that had some very stressful moments. for me, that's life. it's what life does, it how life goes, it's what life is. and to try for all flowers is to ignore the rain that makes them grow, the pollen that clogs you up or the bees that can potentially kill you with a sting. but the flowers are not less because of these things. they are actually more, because those things give the flowers definition and purpose. so, i'm not going to invest time in that particular war. she's going to have to fight it out with herself, and i'll be here the entire time, if i'm allowed to be.
with my funds about to be cut, it is imperative that the meeting elect a new treasurer. it's not so bad that i feel i will steal money; it is that i won't be financially secure and that is not the kind of person you want holding the meeting funds. but i can't make anyone take ownership for what they're supposed to do, i can only tell them the facts. and i am doing that to the best of my ability.
i hope i get one of these jobs. i put it in my Creator's hands, and i thank Him for the blessing of life today.
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