course correction

i've been off, and it's time to stop this bullshit.

not too hard on myself though.  i've done good for months, and i'll do good again.  but i have to address it as it is.  i didn't get back to writing yesterday, because a nothing day turned into a heavy duty version of exactly that...a NOTHING DAY.  with the exception of going to my parent's house to get some supplies from my Dad's raiding of the IGA in Girard, i stayed mostly bedded down and chilling.  needed, i'm sure.  now though i feel lazy and unmotivated, and that's not going to do.

i did pray this morning, and i read my meditation books eventually, but i didn't stretch, i read no scriptures, i didn't go to the Hall.  i went to my meeting, and i ate a bunch of carbs because that's what there was for the pot luck, but also as a craving.  i've been feeling hungrier than normal, and i know it's because i need to detox from carbohydrates again.  so i know what to do and i'm going to do it.

i've decided i'm going to pass on the Life Fleet gig.  I have diabetes, and i'm not going to live a lie about it.  I also have high blood pressure.  Ditto.  they have restrictions, with my conditions, for the safety of their clients.  if i get away with withholding information, which i believe i could, and start working, i could cost a client their life, and that wouldn't ever sit right with me, nor do i believe that would be a good thing in the eyes of my God.  i'm going to let them know that i take a bunch of meds for my diabetes and thank them for giving me a chance to at least interview.

i know there are good things coming now.  i feel the spiritual attacks directly.  i also feel the calling to strengthen my foundation.  i just got a text from someone in Arizona.  maybe my baby brother, can't really tell.  but they apparently are now bingeing on something and reached out to me.  i told them to call and they said they would tonight.  i will get myself in a good spiritual place, turn it over and try to be of service, because that's the deal.  i will put in an application so that i can stay on point with my job seeking, so the good thing for me will know i am looking for it as it is looking for me, because that's the deal.  and i'm going to the gym in the morning, and i'm going to have time with Rachel soon, because that's the deal.

i'm able to correct my course and continue the journey.  i don't need to wreck the vessel because of drifting, that is an irrational action and achieves nothing worthwhile.  I am grateful to Jehovah God for all the blessings that have been placed at my door.