void creating voids

i honestly don't believe i forgot to write again yesterday, but obviously my belief has nothing to do with it.  i get into these long conversations with Rachel in the evening and then i'm in my bed.  i have a Chromebook in my room and could write there, and will have to get into the habit of doing so, i suppose.  anyway, that's the void creating a void.  i wasn't into anything heavy yesterday, and i had a good enough day, but i ended up in my sleep zone without logging the journey.  i have to do better than that.

change can be sneaky, or it can be bold and unapologetic.  i seem to be going through the former at the moment, and sneaky change is rarely a good thing in my experience.

yesterday i got up, said prayers and i went to the gym.  i didn't stretch.  i walked a hard 15 minutes and i did some strength training and i went home.  it was a busy morning schedule and i was trying to remain adherent to it.  i got myself dressed, talked to Syd briefly (Liberty schools was on a 2 hour delay) and i went to get my brother.  we went to the union hall in Lordstown to pick up our food baskets.  my brother got one, and i got two for some reason (sneaky change).  i came home, brought the perishables in, got myself organized again and made my way to counseling, after i had breakfast and took my insulin and meds.  blood sugar was the average 125.

counseling was good.  it was sad, it was depressing, and i know a lot of people can wonder what would make that a good session.  but the thing is, i think, and my counselor thinks.  we are not over-programmed people, and that makes the world and its doings sad and depressing.  if my counselor was full of sunny optimism and angles to make insanity seem sensible, i would run like fuck and never see her again.  but VF is anything but.  a good person, and a great thinker, and sessions where we look at the human condition, though heavy, always teach me something and help me look around a corner i may not have previously even known was there.

after counseling, i came home.  i talked to Lonnie, who is in heavy space, as his dad has an infection in both legs.  Lonnie is under an amazing amount of strain, and he has his own illness to deal with, which i'm sure he's keeping under his hat.  i talked to my father and apologized for my attitude of the previous day, and we talked for a bit and he had another traffic court thing he had to work out.  and i talked to my mom briefly.  i made a potato soup for dinner, and i went to Uptown pizza and got a small pizza to go with it.  a treat for myself.  i ordered Rachel's present, one thing for Joe, and I bought Syd's gift that had to be downloaded on her laptop.

i am going to have to work to clear away the wreckage of my present life.  that is one of the goals for 2017.  i am going to take time soon to list those goals on a wall mount so that i can have a checklist of things to cross off once they're done.  i think i am doing well enough.  i don't need anything, all my needs are met.  and my wants are doing pretty well as well.  i am grateful to Jehovah for adjusting my perspective.  I've met the man with no feet, and i'm good being barefoot, metaphorically speaking.