approaching Jupiter

well, this journey gets more interesting by the week.  i am blessed, and i am watching the working of the Program, and I am taking action and i am learning and growing and i am grateful and somewhat afraid, being human and all, and Jupiter is so fucking pretty from out here.

today i got up and said my prayers and did my stretches and crunches and felt something twinge in my shoulder.  and it's such a drag getting old.  i got dressed, had to take Syd to catch her bus, came home, did my readings, had a blood sugar of a 124, took meds and insulin, had breakfast, chose not to take the Victoza as an experiment in my control levels, and decided to start cleaning.  i cleaned the bathroom, kitchen and my bedroom, though my vacuum cleaner was still with my brother.  i went to my meeting, we had a good reading on Step 7 (humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings), and i went to the store to get stuff for chili.  i'd called my parent's house several times but only got voice mail.  finally i called mom's cell and found the phones were out again.  i'll check them when i go wash tomorrow.  i came home, had salad and five wings for lunch and started working on my chili, electing to finish my cleaning tomorrow.  i'd called the cable company yesterday about my service being overcharged for and i was waiting for a callback but no one did.  i did get a call about an application i'd put in on monday, an ambulance company looking for wheelchair transport drivers.  i go for an orientation on Friday.  i messaged VF to change my counseling time as i miss our sessions after 2 weeks but need to do this orientation.  i called back to ascertain that the move from 9 to 12 would be sufficient and it is.  i watched some television, talked to my brother, Lonnie and Rachel in the course of the day, i ate dinner, chili and rice and cornbread, i washed my dishes, i put in another application for a custodial position at JCC and i'm now laying in my bed, about to crash so i can get to the gym in the morning.

i am very blessed.  in the program, in the Step process, there is a thing that happens when you are living in the maintenance steps, 10 - 12, and is initiated once we get step 9 underway.  we read it at meetings as 'The Promises', and many people take that to mean if you stay sober these 'promises' come to you, but it's the result of taking ownership and cleaning house that bring them to your life.  let's see if i can remember them:
'we are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.  we will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.  we will comprehend the word 'serenity' and we will know peace'.  no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experiences can benefit others.  that feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.  we will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.  self-seeking will slip away.  our whole attitude and outlook upon life will disappear.  fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.  we will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us. we will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.'

i would have to say that feeling these things working almost subconsciously is thrilling as well as disturbing.  there is a me that feels as if he should be panicking and running for the hills.  but a more 'real' me, perhaps the me that 'toti' always knew was there, perhaps 'toti' himself, knows that things are going to work out well, that i'm doing too many solidly good things to have to fear a shadow that creeps across the wall.  and that, in a large way, is my blessing today.  the orbit is where you learn; the journey is where you apply what you've learned.  and Jupiter is so damn pretty out here.

thank you, Jehovah, and may your will be done.