i am nervous. so much has gone wrong over the past 10 years or so. so much has happened when i've attempted to move back into the mainstream of society. and so much continues to unfold. i am excited, and i am terrified, but i keep moving. i guess that's the deal.
i got up to prayer, i didn't stretch. i had a good sugar reading. i went to the gym but didn't do much as i forgot my headphones. i saw Syd out the door as i made myself some breakfast. i took my Levamir, still leaving the Victoza lone and monitoring my sugar. another day.
i went to my parent's house to wash clothes. had a comforter, my bath rugs and display towels, my coat and a basket of clothes to wash. got started and talked to my dad, more on that in a bit. i fixed breakfast for my mom and my aunt, as my dad left. i got my stuff done, about three hours, took a nap while i was there, then loaded my car and split. i went to walmart for lunch and came home. while i was at my parent's Rachel called and we talked briefly. it's still weird between us, and she says she's been chasing thoughts all night and wants to talk when we have some sit down time. i'm not surprised, cannot fathom what the spin will be but i miss hanging out with her. another day.
i came home and put my bathroom back together and dried my clothes and the comforter the rest of the way. i talked to Lonnie for a bit, i put in another application, i had lunch and dinner. i watched some movies. i played some games online. i rested. i'm still resting. i want to be ready for tomorrow. i want my mind unencumbered. i need to hit the gym but i think i may actually do a pass, just walk on saturday. i need a bath. i need to finish my house. another day.
my dad asked me about my interest in my grandfather's old house. clarification. my grandpa died about three years ago, ten years after my grandmother died. so maybe five years ago, or so. anyway, his house was then occupied by my cousin, by my father's permission. i would have liked to have been asked if i wanted to stay in that house. i have tons of great memories there, and it would have been a perfect sized house for myself and Syd once upon a time. another day. my cousin moved in, moved his children in apparently. didn't really tear it up, not from what i can see outside. but he didn't really take care of it either. ne is an alcoholic and a perpetual adolescent, at 50-something years old.
thing is, i've been put in a position to where i'm likely going to have to move. i was thinking about a small apartment, as i know Syd is going to do her thing when she graduates. i don't want the old family house. not so much because of its location, more because to be the only one living where my entire family unit came into existence would make me feel like a ghost in my parent's home. i don't want to feel that way. nothing close to it. so i passed on that house. but my grandparent's house, that's different. and i could reduce my expenditures and actually get ahead a little bit, especially if i get to working again. and it would make a nice headquarters for Z-Phyles. so, that's the what right now. i'm sleepy. my head hurts. think i'm coming down with something. but i am grateful to Jehovah for everything.
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