groovy

i find myself at a crossroads.  i also find myself enjoying being there.  the crossroad isn't new.  the enjoyment is.  it's scary, but it feels pretty good.

when i got up, i wasn't certain if the center would be open today, so i said my prayers but didn't plan on the gym.  i do have to get regular, but i also believe in sense.  i got a call from Rachel before seven, and she was washing clothes.  which was a good thing.  i didn't miss the car, and she was getting something done she needed to.  i saw Syd off to school and took a bath.  i'd taken my meds and insulin, but i was waiting for Rachel because i knew she hadn't eaten.

when she got here she was exhausted and pretty much irritable.  she wanted to take a shower and i left her a towel and wash cloth in the bathroom.  while she was showering i got eggs and grits together and we had breakfast.  then i gave her pillows and the comforter from my bed so she could crash and she slept off and on for the rest of the morning and into the afternoon.

i worked on my website, leaving some information about the changes coming in my business arrangements, i paid Syd's phone as i had forgotten again and she was disconnected, i composed the music for my site so it wouldn't be using music that belonged to someone else (simple, as everything else, but good enough for what i'm doing now).  i got some chicken prepped for dinner and eventually started working on cooking.  i made baked chicken, mashed potatoes and zucchini for dinner.  Rachel ate with me and then i took her home after she got gas for the car.

she had gone to the casino.  i'm assuming it wasn't the worst night she has ever had, but it is still a person engaging regularly in their obsessive/compulsive behavior, usually with consequences.  i don't really lose sleep because i've offered to help her as i can.  change comes when the individual is willing to change.  i can talk more, i can say the same things over and over, and they won't be any more effective than they were the first time i said them.  but they have been said.

i talked to my friend Vera last night before i crashed.  well, i texted with her, which is all we do anymore.  she is very busy and i take what i can get as long as it's consistent.  she asked for my paypal information so she could pay me for the editing job i'm going to do in the future.  so i've got that coming.  and that's how this is going to go.  i'm going to build up my business online.  i'm going to use Facebook and all the other social media i can to put this together.  and i'm going to work out my music, my video production and editing, and getting my logo out as far as i fucking can, so that next year is going to be a really bad-ass successful year for me.  and in the meantime, i'm going to start doing the same thing with the pre-sales for THE BOOK OF OLD LAZARUS.  a good start.