okay, so yesterday, Rachel decided she'd stay overnight here. we were going to hit a rummage sale at the Cardinal church down the street from me, and they started at 9am, so she decided it would be easier on me if she just stayed. she got her daughter squared away, made sure her kids were where they needed to be and she came over. we watched television, i prepped my corned beef and cabbage and made peanut butter blondies, i got my CB&C on and in the crock pot in its developing stages, we spent some time intimately and then i went to crash as she watched some OITNB on netflix. i had on my ambient relaxation music, and i was aware of her in the living room but i didn't challenge her to crash with me. when she came, i offered her the bed and told her i'd take the couch because i wanted her to be comfortable. as it stood, in the early morning she came into my room and crashed on the bed with me.
now, here's a thing. in my previous incarnations, i did not SLEEP well with someone in my bed. wasn't with it, i can't say exactly why. maybe because when we were little kids my brothers and i were forced to share beds, and i had more than one bedwetter for brothers. but i just didn't dig it. if i was sexual with a woman i was with i'd hold her until she fell asleep and then i'd extricate myself from her and retreat to the far side of the bed. if she pursued me i'd end up on the floor in the morning. fear of intimacy? definitely just didn't sleep well with that dynamic. it was not an issue with Rachel.
I got up at 5am as usual. i slid off the bed and said my prayers. i refitted the sheet over the corner of the mattress and i went to make coffee. i had a cup of coffee, some water and i did some editing. i took my meds, made myself an egg sandwich and eventually started watching television. Rachel got up about seven something, got some coffee, we talked, she fussed as she does, she got dressed and i got dressed and we went to the rummage sale. she got a bunch of clothes, i got a potpourri pot and some small baskets for my silverware. then we went to Goodwill, as they had a half off sale today. i got books. we came home, i made a bacon/honey/jalapeno cornbread and we ate corned beef and cabbage and corn bread. it was very good, i'm glad i chose to make it. we watched some television, she fell asleep eventually on the couch. i went in my room and played on the computer until i went to see Heather. I told Rachel i'd see her in a bit and went for my visit. i relayed the lawyer's message to Heather and told her about Meridian saying they'd get their person in to see her. that hasn't happened yet. Heather is bummed out and sad and I told her she has to take time to work on gratitude and faith. I'm sure that's not very helpful but sometimes you have to learn to use one weapon so that you can qualify for another one. anyway, i came home, we talked a bit, i eventually took Rachel to the store and then home and i've been here ever since. I feel good. i feel stuffed and i feel sleepy as hell, and i feel good.
having Rachel here felt natural. it felt, as it does whenever she visits, like she belongs. i am glad that she chose to stay.
i have some things i need to implement starting monday, but i'll go into them tomorrow. for now, i am grateful for the day and i'm going to shut it down, as i've stupendously tired right now.
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