the beginning of the year has been interesting in many ways.  i guess the real test will be tomorrow, when the schedule is back in force and i get moving along the parameters of having a regimen.  it's sort of sucky to have so much free, unscheduled time on my hands.  leaves too much time for thinking.
i went to the hall and to my meeting today.  i was sleepy through most of the day, so this is going to be an early night no matter what.  i did my prayers and had breakfast and lazed around, trying to talk myself out of going to the hall.  finally i threw on clothes and just went.  put gas in my car, the service was cool but i was so sleepy.  then the meeting, where someone i tried to help quite some time ago managed to get on my nerves and i left before the so-called 'lord's prayer', which ends the meeting.  i went to see my parents, went to the store to get dinner and i came home.  i had a sandwich, lazed a bit more, got salmon and roasted red skinned potatoes and green beans and corn done.  minimal writing, but i did some.  just as this will be minimal.  i cleaned the kitchen and have been lazing since.  but damned if, once i lay it all the way down i'll be wide awake.  oh, well.  i'm going to try, that's all i can do.

the annoyance.  okay, it's not about me trying to help a person, once upon a time.  this is an individual with patterns of self-sabotage so pronounced, they themselves are aware of them.  but they go into them, and have for as long as i've been sober.  the annoyance was the flippant way they were addressing me.  the annoyance was the fact that many people have the notion that they need contribute nothing except themselves, while a handful carry the weight of all these spiritual deadbeats. the annoyance was in knowing that this is all some kind of sick game to this person, while others see them doing this shit, emulate their dysfunction and get dead. and i just don't have the patience, will or energy to continue to try to be nice about it.  so, yes, i left.  and next time i will hurt feelings.  but for now, tomorrow's a new day, i thank my heavenly Father for seeing me through and i'm going to sleep.