distant star

there's a light that shines, and sometimes it's so dim that it seems like a star in a very black night, like something might be there but it could just be my eyes playing tricks on me.  but looking long enough and close enough, and it becomes apparent that it is a star, and that is shines on the course i've plotted.  i remember what it's about now, and i think i'm on track.
i chilled today.  i didn't go to the gym, and i didn't go to my meeting.  i stayed home.  i said my prayers, i got Syd to her bus, i went to the store to pick up what i wanted to cook for dinner.  i moved some things around and put some of the detritus away that i created looking for the papers for JFS.  i ate responsibly.  my sugar was good.  i took my meds.  i did some proof reading.  i contacted a funeral home (through email anyway) asking for someone to get in touch with me about natural burial information.  i got the information that i needed from my lawyer and i'll take it to JFS on friday.  i have to go to see a good woman tomorrow to get my JCC membership renewed.  i called my parent's house but got no answer.  i didn't hear from R.  i haven't heard from TF and have stopped calling her.  i feel the weight of absence, but i am not prepared to give in to it.  i can't help what anyone else does, and i've never been able to.  i can help what i choose to do.  i can be responsive and not reactionary.  i can accept that if a thing doesn't presently exist, it is not meant to at this time.  and what is in front of me needs to be dealt with.  these are my current realities, and i am going to stay on point with them.
i know it's been rough.  my mind is still in first gear.  but first gear is just moving slow, it's not stopped.  and there are many things that can get done slowly.  so, enough of the comforter-sized blues.  it's time to move it along, and i am grateful to God for allowing me to start doing that again.  tomorrow will bring something different, and if i keep dwelling on what's missing today, i'm certain to miss what's going to be bright and sunshiny tomorrow.  that's cheesy, but i think it makes the point.  good night