lack discipline

it's strange how days become sort of okay and sort of not okay.  i'm off balance, and i'm trying to get back on, but my head is in different space right now, and I don't know how to get it centered yet.  the important thing, i believe, it to not stop.  to keep moving, and eventually i'll see a landmark or a street sign and know i'm back on the right track.

for starters, my sugar is higher than its been, because my eating is not what it should be. speaking of something over and over is a good sign that nothing is being done to change it, but that's where it's at right now.  it's not out of control, but it should require nothing more than the low-end injections, exercise and eating properly.  but i've had carbs all day, and i know that i'm not doing enough physically to justify that intake.  i have to start logging again, there is no 'just go back to eating right' for a food fiend, and i already know that.

i got a call in to my lawyer and asked for the payment paperwork.  they said they'd email it to me, but that hasn't happened yet, so i'm going to call again tomorrow.  it's better there, because i've done something, but it's still the feeling that the applecart is going to be knocked over for no other reason except that it exists, and that is a daunting and tiresome thought to keep in my head 24-7.

i got more of the paperwork cleared up and out, and i need a place to burn this shit.  shredding would be just as long a process as sorting and storing it, whereas burning it would make it disappear right now.  but i don't have anywhere to burn anymore.  my grandparents had a trash barrel in back of their house, by the garage.  one of the big joys was being old enough, finally, to take the trash out back, with matches, and put the trash in and light it up.  funny, the things you forget in time.  i remember in our own backyard, we had one of those brick fire pits, that were used for the same thing, but i fixed it up and installed some racks and began using it as a grill.  industrious when it came to things i wanted to do, like my offspring.

i'll get some more done tomorrow, going to the gym, maybe my meeting.  i've heard nothing more from my mother about my brother, and i'm not going to hunt for information either.  when someone tells me, i 'll know.  until then, i know he's alive, and that will have to do for now.