...some better

time does take care of several things.  i feel a lot better today.  but the measure of sickness seems to be in how much better you can feel while still feeling miserable.  and that is a considerable distance, apparently.

i got up, but felt sort of out of it.  not dizzy, not achy, but cold to the bone.  i tapped my brother to take Syd to her bus so i wouldn't have to try to force warmth too early.  i ate after Syd went to school, took insulin (but think i forgot my meds, can't remember and don't want to double up on them) and i rested.  i washed the dishes, put the chili in a bowl and got myself together for the meeting.  i did the meeting, called Lonnie but he was busy so i couldn't get the soup he made for me.  i ended up hitting the library and taking a card to one of the librarians and asking him to nominate me, but i wasn't allowed to leave cards (i guess trying to get votes is considered 'solicitation' when you're not running for office; if you are, it's 'campaigning) and my energy was running down.  i went to get some lunch at LJS but my friend wasn't there.  i came home, ate, and crawled back in bed where i am now.

i'm going to start getting back into this a bit heavier.  it's time to begin, i have less than nine months left and i have a lot of work to do.  what i've learned in the past few days.  one, sincere or otherwise, there are many people who try to be there for me, more than i usually give credit to.  A brought me hot and sour soup and so did Lonnie.  Shawn offered to bring me stuff if need be and so did TP  TF, though being within the will of my God apparently, offered soup (of course also asked if i'd make her more soup) and Don brought me wedding soup to the meeting today.  VF sent well wishes.  i have people who care about me enough to do what they're able and i need to stop acting like i don't.  two, i am not helpless.  i make choices, and choices have consequences.  i have been sick, that is a good reason to choose not to go to the gym.  the cold weather is not.  being tired is not.  just not feeling like it is not.  i am supposed to be working toward something.  i have to get back to a food plan.  i have another cardiologist appointment in april and i want my weight down for doctor Lutton.  so, it's about that grind, right?

i am writing.  i have at least three hundred people, many of whom i don't know, who were willing to go and nominate my book.  i know this world is fucked up, and i know that fucked up condition has caught people up in its grip like sticky web grabbing small insects.  but not everyone.  i have to stop acting like the blanket of insanity has everyone in its grips.  or maybe, the one really in its grips is me, and maybe that's why i'm still in counseling at this point.  i know my counselor will get to this, so i may get an answer pretty soon.

anyway, i'm going to see if TF brings the resources for soup so i can get that done for her.  and i'll see if R calls.  And i'm going to rest, and i've got a chicken dinner to make tomorrow, but tomorrow comes after today, so it doesn't exist just yet.  Thank you, Father, for a good day so far.