i am moving towards a better direction, i feel. i needed the catharsis of yesterday's post to help me see exactly where i am. its easy to lose oneself when you travel with your eyes closed hoping you're going in the right direction. but the longer it takes to open your eyes and see where you are and make corrections, the better the chance you'll end up somewhere you don't want to be with no idea how to get back on course. i feel like my navigation is back online, i just have to get back into my orbit now.
i didn't go to the gym this morning. i said my prayers and got up, but i wrapped in a comforter and sat on the couch. Syd asked if her friend could take her to school, so i didn't leave out til time to take my aunt to her doctor appointment. after that i went to the grocery store and got the fish for tomorrow. i went to lunch with Lonnie per schedule and TF text me and i texted back. i don't believe that any substitute body is the answer to a prayer to a constructive and artistic God. but i do believe that it is a means of not being alone, and remembering that there's no such thing as a one sided commitment in a two-part relationship. so i'm back to being committed to me. and if i get a chance, i'm going to talk to R and see what's up with her in regard to me, but i'm not going to stop living in the meantime.
i am, am, AM going to the gym in the morning. i am going to make TF soup if she comes by when she says she is and we go get the stuff. i am going to make fish for the house, and for myself. i am going to enjoy my day should i be so blessed to wake up to it. i AM going to write, as i did today. i AM going to get some flyers distributed, as that is important stuff. and i AM going to remain grateful, because i am capable of resuming what's best for me, by God's grace and one day at a time. that's it for today. also, i'm very proud of my son, who has started doing some specialty cooking for specific clientele. i hope all success for him.
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