i feel pretty sedate this morning. there is always an element of surrealism when there is someone (other than Syd) in my space at various odd times. but it is nice to have someone here. it's nice to have someone in contact physically. it's just nice to have someone chill in adult mode for a while. i guess maybe that's the thing that i could never get anyone to understand. i don't even know if R gets that. i believe this may be more of a temporary thing, and that makes me sad. not because i want it to be. if i had my table set right now, in the metaphoric sense of being together and taking care of business as it needs to be, i would be trying my damndest to convince her that we need to put things in a more forever vein. but not because i'm 'in love'. because there is so much common ground with us, that its fun exploring aspects of myself in someone else. but i know she doesn't feel that way. i know that she has distance with affection. i know that she tries very hard for me, but i don't believe it's very comfortable for her. so i accept, and i enjoy, and i know that an abrupt end could be written into our story. not an end to friendship, just an end to proximity. but, i am putting no periods where God has continued writing, and only God knows how this story will end. i will have faith.
i had breakfast, i'm waiting for the dryer to stop so i can go to the store. the dirty rice went bad so i threw it away. gonna do a sort of pasta/parmesan dish on the side to go with the cabbage and the shrimp and salmon. it will be good. meanwhile, on to writing, grooming and just doing a saturday. hell, i may not even clean, how's that for irresponsible and hedonistic? wild man shit.
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