man, this was one of those weird, sort of limbo-existence days. one of those days of not really coming or going, but just being, and sometimes even just being on the fringe of being. that i got up and said my prayer and was able to back off the formulaic and get to talking to God was the best part of the day. and it wasn't a bad day at all.
started with just chilling, because my body was sore from the gym yesterday. thought about taking a walk but it went onto the back burner, nothing wrong with a day of rest. took syd to her bus stop and came home and ate and took my meds and shots and just laid around til time for counseling. had a good session and went to the stores to pick up a few things. was still pondering when VF asked whether i thought the November/seasonal depression may be God's way of keeping me honest about my addiction, and I am so grateful to have a counselor who can move that far out of the box. it makes so much of this easier to deal with. i came home and put things away and just laid back again, watched some television and ate lunch around noon and started moving toward some activity. my dad asked me if i could give him a ride to his banquet this evening and i told him yes. i put a load of clothes into the wash, got texts from syd about getting a ride home from school, then being at a restaurant and then asking if she could stay at a friend's house. i don't even bother with trying to get her to prioritize things anymore. pouring water over a wet stone won't make it wetter.
i did some writing in mechanical jesus, and was waiting for my dad to call to take him where he had to go before i started cooking. i got my clothes from the dryer, took him to his thing, came home to start cooking. i got a call earlier from R as she waited to be picked up from where she was. i was just about to start cooking when i got a call from another friend asking if i wanted to go get something to eat. i said yes, as i hadn't started cooking yet and we went for steak. conversation was good and dinner was good. R called and i told her i'd call back as soon as i got home, which i did but i think she's sleep, hope she is anyway. i know she's exhausted. i saw Tr and her daughter and mom as i was on my way back from dropping off my dad. she looks beyond tired, she actually looks older now. i wish she'd learned to let go of things, but you can't make someone not destroy themselves; you can only try to tell them they don't have to, and hope they eventually believe you.
i am now home, in bed. on the side of the bed actually. i'm trying to consider the lesson in the day. i didn't really do anything, but i didn't really plan to do much anyway. i guess, maybe if i have a lesson today, it's that its okay not to do anything sometimes. some days are just like that. but anyway, my eating was okay, despite the steakhouse. breakfast and lunch were on point, my sugar's were good and my insulin intake was low enough. i have no real plans for tomorrow either, but seeing R would be a good thing. i'm going to get some sleep. God willing that i should awaken, tomorrow will be today and we'll check the calendar again at that time.
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