working on discipline

Sunday evening now.  the day is not quite over, but it's moving toward overness.  i'm tired, but that's not new.  it's been a long day, and that's not new either.  but it wasn't a bad day, wasn't a bad weekend, and those are good things.  i have to get myself moving, get ready for the week ahead, or get ready for monday more specifically.  can't prepare for any two days, you can plan for them, but the best preparation i know how to do is for the next day, the next 24.  have to remember that.

so, today was the Big Book meeting.  not a bad turnout, not for that meeting anyway.  didn't get much for the potluck, but i'm working on adjusting my attitude in that avenue as well.  it was the only thing i had as far as my to-do list today, so getting that done was good.  i also got a load of clothes washed and dried (to be put away shortly) and went to my parent's house, gave my dad money and put groceries away and got my mom's cell phone turned on and got food into the oven to heat up for them and got the coffee pot ready for tomorrow.  i took 2 donuts to Lonnie and hung out awhile with him as well.  on my way to the meeting i took pictures riding through the east side for the second op/ed recording i'm doing for Urban SEEN, and i have been working on the text for the national news-based one for the past 24 hours.  i'm getting the spirit woke and warmed up, it is time for some productivity.  yet, there is still that hollowness that i'm nurturing.  i have to walk away again, have to leave it alone.  

i'm going to get back to logging in the Dining Room.  I have to accept this discipline again.  Food is my biggest drug, my longest addiction and the most powerful one for me.  i cannot battle this by force of will, because i've never had the willpower to defeat my craving for emotional numbness.  i am powerless over it, my life is unmanageable by me when i seek to enforce self-control over my craving for carbs, starches and sugars, and the fight makes me crazy.  i have to turn it over and leave it there.  so, i'm going to get back to it.  tomorrow morning, food plan has to go back into effect.  for now, though, i acknowledge that i am working, that i am productive, that i am okay for the moment.  i am going to get rest, i'm going to waken if that is Jehovah's will, and i'm going to do the day that is laid out in front of me.  i am grateful for the many blessings i've had today and i'm thankful if i was able to be a blessing in anyone's life as well.