Respite...

 

Sunday morning.  it's been a week, one hell of a week to be honest.  and now the weekend ends and the new week is about to begin, by God's grace.  i'm good, i guess.  better than i was at the end of the work week, i feel that.  i don't know if i'm feeling motivated, but i am currently working on a soup, and that's always a good sign for me.

Syd and the baby are home from the hospital.  it was Syd who had to stay, with low blood and low iron.  the baby was discharged the day after being born apparently.  what a system, eh?  money rules every decision.  but they're both okay, they're at home, be it ever so humble or whatever it is.  Chris expressed concern about the lack of cleanliness of the apartment, but i can only hope that they realize that and work on getting it together.  not so much for the sake of the baby, but for the sake of themselves as a family.  change is required.  for all of us.

i had company last night.  i finally just allowed what was going to happen to happen, and i have no regrets, or few anyway.  i don't know if it's the continuation of grieving what i let go of last year or if it's just a general lack of belief in any true emotional connection bringing about genuine support and partnership in my own endeavors, after having tried so hard for so long to be that to another person in my life.  but whatever it is, i needed the physicality and the company, and i do like the individual and offer all disclaimers about my mental and emotional state at this time.  it's the best i can do. 

my mom is home, she's still confused, still trying to figure out how to not be 70+ years old, and still not willing to just consider that she doesn't have to do or be everything to everyone.  but it's okay.  she's going to be what she's going to be, and nothing i or anyone else says is going to change that.  when God wants her to be something else, she will be. not because I say things should be different.

i've prayed and taken my medicines and read my books and had my breakfast today.  i'm working on a soup, just combining things to put something together.  i'm going to my meeting, going to the store afterwards.  i'm going to take it easy today and get ready for work tomorrow.  i feel okay.  i should consider writing, but i don't know if that's going to happen.  all i know is it's been a week, it is a good respite, and soon enough returns the routine.  i actually am grateful, my grandson is okay, my child is okay, my mother is okay enough, and i feel pretty okay right now.  Thank you, Father.