i got up yesterday and i was in some discomfort. i'd been hurting the day before, and i did a soak in the tub, epsom salt and the whole nine, and got meds in and to bed early, but i woke up with the same shit. left knee just paining me, can walk with a limp but the knee feels unresponsive, i guess is a good way to put it. i prayed (as i'm about to do) and took meds, i read my scripture and my meditation books, i had coffee and water. and then i went to work. i got fast food breakfast on the way, just not feeling like cooking. the morning went well enough, everyone accounted for, delivered to workshops without incident.
during the interim hours i went to Walmart (which was closing due to a power outage), got breakfast stuff and took it to my parent's house, cooked for them, had coffee with my mother, went to Austintown to see Syd and Joe and the baby, brought some food for Syd and myself (not really knowing if Joe was there), i fed and held the baby til he went to sleep and i talked a bit to Syd. then i went back to work.
by the time i returned to work, the limp was more pronounced, the pain was more intense and i had to focus more on the details in order to get past the pain. but i did get past it, and i got us back to the shop and got myself home. i didn't do anything constructive, just watched some Hulu and youtube and then ate the other half of my sub from the day before. i talked to Lonnie earlier in the day but not in the evening. he's tired most of the day, more so than before his surgery. i had some difficultly catching my mother later in the day as well, though calling her cell phone got me through. i just tried to go to sleep and let the day end, hoping that would bring some relief from this pain, but no such animal exists. i have awakened with the knee hurting, with cramps in my right foot and leg. it's 330. i should be sleep, but i'm up. i know that's going to wear on the day, but it is going to have to do. at least i was prone for most of the evening.
where did my motivation go? i don't feel the despondency, or the disconnect, that i was last week, but i also don't feel motivated to do the shit that is on my plate. i have good elements, but can't seem to construct them into a good product, if that makes some sort of sense. well, i have to keep trying. its all i know to do.
i am grateful, i got to spend some time with LT (temporary nickname) and Syd, and i did get an offer of my own route at the job, which would lock me into an actual schedule. i am blessed, and need to remember that. thank you, Jehovah, and thank you for the elements that i need to build with.
No comments:
Post a Comment