Clearing away some of the wreckage

all the people i have been,
all the nothing i have seen,
where the world begins and ends
is where the nightmare turns
to dream,
and nothing is quite what
it seems...

i am going back, and i guess it's important to remember.  i am journeying, on a daily basis, and never once was it promised that it would all be pleasant.  i am traveling at the speed of spirit trapped within flesh, and any journey of being imprisoned is a sad journey.  i am in transition, and from day to day i don't know what i will be next.

but the Steps are fixed, my space is bound in time and dimension, and i am not a Gallifreyan. 

today i cleaned, and it was very hard.  i'm not quite done, but i've done quite a bit.  when i got up, i was struggling to motivate.  i had said prayers and taken my medicines and had breakfast, but i ended up back in the bed.  at least i put my clothes into the dryer before i lay back down. 

i got up, still early, and i got it going.  got clothes from the basement and took them and my supplies to the 2nd floor.  i hung up my clothes, cleaned the bathroom and swept and mopped the bathroom and office floor.  i pulled all the poetry out of the book TOTEMS, and put them into an untitled file for now, and started a new collection called TOTEMS AND SPELLS, more a reflection of the societal value system than the previous one.  it's how it should be.  and it will still be ready by the end of June.  i listened to some music.  i got my ass moving and i came downstairs and started on the kitchen.  i took a quick break for a sandwich, then i cleaned the bathroom downstairs, cleaned the kitchen surfaces, and swept and mopped both floors.  i went to the food cart for lunch, and then it was a lazing about day from there. 

this evening, i got a call from my mother that she'd fallen in her room, not a bad fall but she couldn't get up and my father couldn't help her.  i went by and helped her get off the floor and into her chair and my dad called the paramedics.  it was funny and sad to hear how he embellished the story of her fall for anyone he talked to.  i made sure she was okay and i came back home.  i've been watching some anime, some television.  i had a bit of taco salad and some ice cream, which made me happy.  i've checked on Lonnie on the phone, and now i'm about to put on some music and check out for the evening.  meeting tomorrow, a bedroom to clean and vacuum and a couch to straighten in the living room.  work to prepare for.  Father's Day, for whatever that's worth.  i feel better, but i keep taking hits of the thing i should be completely abstaining from.  so apparently, i'm not going to abstain right now.  it's going to hurt, but i'm going to walk the road i'm on.  i am still grateful and i will try my best to remain so.  i am thankful to Jehovah for his blessing in my life, allowing me to carry a message rather than to rob someone's spirit house yesterday.  i'm done for the moment.