...and tomorrow's a mystery, they used to say in the Program. i like it because it's sort of a nice way to recap. i'm not sure how i lost the day, but lost it was and now i have to account for it and today, before i go downtown to visit Heather in county lockup.
yesterday started well enough. i got up, took the day off because i'd been sick for a week and figured just start your thing back on monday with a good walk before you get down to the grilling. i had breakfast, wrote in The Last Recovering Man a bit, went to counseling and had a good session. then it was all about business until around noon. but it was strange, maybe due to the week of the flu.\
i went to the bank to take out the money for my apartment rent as well as for the wednesday meeting rent. having had to borrow from it, i had already planned to simply pay it from my funds and balance our books accordingly. i contacted my landlord who now has me bring the rent to his home, as he and his father, my previous (though not first) landlord aren't getting along right now. he told me he was in Akron, and that his wife would give me a rent receipt. i am never a fan of leaving someone's money with a 3rd party, but i have a receipt. before that, however, he told me that his wife was having trouble with the children and that i could just leave the rent in the mailbox and the receipt would be there. same unease, but same consolation for me. i did so, and i realized once i'd looked at the receipt that i'd withdrawn my OLD rent amount, from my FIRST landlord, and that was 15 short of what i owed. however, this was in Girard, and i was extremely uncomfortable with the notion of going back on that porch, opening the mailbox, going into an envelope of money and fiddling with it to get it right in a rabidly white community. so i texted him instead and told him of the shortfall, took responsibility for it and told him i'd compensate the balance when i finished my runs, which ended up amended to paying the rest today. he was okay with it, and i got on with my day. i went to Ollie's, Big Lots and Family Dollar to secure my supplies for the household. i went to my parent's house to wash a load of clothes and to visit as i'd not been by since i got sick. when i got there my niece, my sister's daughter, was crashed out on the couch. my mother said their water was turned off so she'd been staying there since she worked at WalMart and could get washed before she went to work. i revised a notion of merging my monday plans with whatever they were doing at that point. my sister and her children annoy me. and i don't feel like putting myself in a position where i have to endure being annoyed in order to accommodate people this weekend.
while i was at my parent's Rachel contacted me and said she'd like to go to lunch. she said later she hadn't gotten my text cancelling lunch, but it was okay as that was more a letting her off the hook thing than not wanting to go to lunch with her. we went to Papa's in Campbell and had strange food that wasn't as satisfying as we'd have liked, but the company was good and the wings were above great as always from Papa's. we went to a yard sale in Campbell and i got her a leather jacket someone was selling for a dollar, with a belt and one belt loop missing and a bit of wear. i also got her a teddy bear which i promptly named Murph. she seemed happy enough with them. i dropped her off, she kissed my cheek as i may still be contagious, and i came home.
i rested, cleaned my kitchen, meditated on my dinner for monday and worked on my song. i got to bed early enough. my meds had come in and i got them sorted and put into my bag. it was a good day, with a good ending and only lunch to spoil the feng shui of it all.
today i got up and said prayers, went in the kitchen, made coffee and put sausages in the oven. my brother came by and i talked with him for a bit. after he left i made eggs and toast to go with my breakfast and made out my list for the store, to get stuff for Monday. i went to Aldi's, Sav-a-Lot and Giant Eagle, and didn't spend as much as i thought I might and got everything i wanted. i've decided i'm not going to my meeting tomorrow, i've prepped chicken for the grill and apples for pie. i'm going to put ribs in a dry rub and in a bag to marinate until monday's grilling. i have potatoes to peel, probably make potato salad tomorrow. i'm going to chop cabbage and bag it as well as the aromatics to go with it so all that stuff is ready to go. it won't be a lot of people or an abundance of food, but it's going to be a good eating day.
now it's 2:04. visiting for Heather is at 3. i am not nervous, i'm just trying not to be angry. i can do nothing for her, but whatever Jehovah would have me do is what I do. it's sort of a culmination of what has been going on in my life lately. there are seasons for everything. the day i got Heather's letter is the day that I 'spoke' to Tracy on Facebook. her withdrawal so she wasn't dependent upon me. her statement of 'i still love you with all my heart', and my lack of a reply anywhere near that level. i have committed myself to having Rachel in my life, and for better or worse, i'm going to honor that without a safety net. its new, and its scary, but i realize i don't want to keep doing the perhaps bullshit. if it doesn't work out, there's a stranger out there somewhere who holds my heart. it's not behind me, i know that much. i have an obligation to Heather as a recovering addict has to anyone seeking recovery. and if she's not seeking recovery, then there's not really all that much more i can say. but i'm going to get my prayers in place and get ready to do this. i'll write about it tomorrow. thank you, Father, for the strength to recover and love.
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