i didn't write yesterday. it turned into a not so good day, after all. i'm going to talk about it, catch up and try to figure some things out along the way.
i didn't go to the gym yesterday, didn't get out for my walk either. i've been hurting somewhat over the past couple of weeks, i've attributed it to my inactivity, and i haven't been eating as i should either. those could be valid things, but i should have been more active and i have started eating more responsibly again. i went to counseling, i came home and i sort of just lazed about. there was nothing to do except clean my bedroom, but i wasn't feeling that.
fast forward to around five pm or so, and i got a call from Syd relaying a request from my dad to fetch him a jacket and bring it to St. E's emergency room, as he was there with my mother. i didn't catch the implication, and was moving to just dismiss it for the moment, but she clarified that my mother was in emergency and likely had had a stroke. so i got angry, and i got dressed and went to get a jacket for him and called my older brother to ride with me but i couldn't reach him so i went alone.
i found my mom and dad in the emergency room itself. my mom was on a er bed and my dad was in a chair swaddled in thin emergency room blankets. she was parked in the corridor by the nurses station. it was a very busy night for bad medicine apparently. i finally got my brother and told him what was going on and he made his way down as well. i talked to my dad, my anger dispelled, and he said he hadn't got word from the beginning either, that my sister convinced my mother to call her doctor, as she was having trouble with her left eye and arm. her doctor told her to get to the hospital er and she complied.
i stayed through my brother and baby sister coming and going, and i stayed until they got her into a room and through my dad leaving. i told her to take it easy and to not try to rush out of the hospital, and finally i left, and it was after 8pm when i got home. i had a chicken pot pie my baby sister had brought for my mother that she couldn't eat, and I had that and a piece of chicken leftover for dinner.
today i got up and moved slowly but steadily. i said prayers, got up and got dressed and went to St. E's to get bloodwork for an appointment with Dr. Pandya on Friday approaching. i had breakfast afterward in the cafeteria and then i went to visit my mother. she looked pretty much as she always does, and she was just finishing up breakfast. i sat with her for a bit and then came home as i'd not taken any of my medicines, since it was a fasting bloodwork. i got in, took insulin and pills and got my room straightened up. my brother came by and i talked to him for a few. i debated on whether i should try to catch Rachel or not. i've not heard from her since Tuesday's outing, and i'm sure something has gone wrong in her life. but i am staying close to home for now. i went to see Heather in jail and went through some recovery stuff. she has a big book, at least the text portion, which is cool. and i am moving her to her 3rd step, so she can prepare to rid herself of some long, festering baggage. then i went to visit my mom again.
family was there, my cousin Vic, the older of my sisters and my dad. i talked with them and my mother briefly and then left to come home. i've been here, thinking of things and trying to work out my emotions, since then.
i'm glad she's in the hospital. i know that time is short for all of us, and there's nothing you can do when you're number comes up. but it was something of a strong reaction. i guess, when my dad goes, he's there so much now i'm sort of desensitized to it. he goes, he goes by himself, he stays if they let him, invariably nothing is wrong except he's getting older and he comes home until the next time. but my mother does not enjoy hospitals, does not want to be there and avoids doctors because she fears the worst, i'm sure is the reason. she used to be the one always at the hospital and my dad was the one who would stay away. funny how things change.
and seeing my parents getting older, my mom being sick (small stroke), my dad losing a step here, a step there, it brings home the mortality issue. death is not far away, it is never as far away as we choose to believe it is, it is always closer than we're comfortable knowing is true. so there has to be a dealing with it, an acceptance, even if its just an uneasy acceptance. i have to work on that now. because there's work to do under any circumstances. and the road only gets shorter, never longer. I thank Jehovah for watching over my mother and my family.
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