i got up and prayed, but i wasn't rushing. i got no cleaning done this weekend, got not much of what i really needed to do done, but i did what was in front of me at various times. and i did the same today. i had some breakfast. i saw my brother when he stopped by. i keep watching my new video, i'm so very happy with it. i went to my meeting. i went to see Rachel but she wasn't home, so i went to see my parents. i talked to both my mom and dad, and i talked to Lonnie afterwards, and he seemed okay. i had kfc for dinner as i didn't feel like cooking. i paid a bunch on my credit cards. i am currently about to shut it down so i can get to the gym in the morning. i did a lot of writing in the Last Recovering Man. it is going to be a good story, i can tell, and my writing is still maturing. i can't believe i'm 48 and still 'finding my voice', such as it were.
i saw De'Ja online today, but he said nothing, though i know he got my message. i haven't heard from Patrice. i guess the end is the end, and when you have control of the silence you hold onto it. its what i did so i can't help but think it's what i've taught. who we are can become the monster in another's skin that comes around to bite us in our asses. but whether this is true or not, i am not regretting what i've said, or how i've conducted myself. i'm not going to be sad about saying what is in my heart, or feel bad because i have feelings. it is going to be what it is going to be, and that's not up to me. it never is.
i thank my God, for everything and for whatever comes tomorrow. i am glad to be who i am today.
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