seeing things

good monday.
it's been good so far, anyway.  i realized something today.  i'm okay.
yeah, that's the realization.  i am okay.  i feel okay.  i have a pain in my chest, but it's not heart pain.  there are many things it could be, however, but taking a shot of baking soda alleviated most of it and I'm pretty sure i'm going to pick up some antacid tablets today.
i woke to prayer and a cup of coffee from Syd, which was nice.  I was moving slow but i was definitely aware that the pain in my chest had subsided.  i got up and checked my blood sugar, which was higher than usual lately, and as R pointed out that glucose levels were affected by baking soda for some reason, i attributed it to that.  i got Syd to her bus stop and went to the gym.  saw a friend leaving the treadmills as i was getting there.  i went with a plan in mind.  and i have to remember to thank A for her suggestions.  i set my weight and the time i wanted to walk, forty-five minutes, and the speed, which was 2.5 miles per hour.  i pre-set a playlist of long songs, around ten minutes each, so i could close my eyes through most of the walk, determine by the number of songs how long i'd been walking.  needless to say, i got through the forty-five minute walk, which meant i was at the gym forty-five minutes.  i also finished with exactly 2 miles, my heart rate maxed out at 140 and i burned almost five hundred calories.  i realized throughout that it was not necessary to challenge myself, that i could stop at the mile, or the half hour, and i would still be in a good place.  but i also realized i need to move forward.  everything is progress, and what does not progress is in the process of regression by proxy.  because what's behind me will catch up to me if i stay in the same place for too long.  i don't think that's true of everyone, but i am one of the maladjusted, working on being functional on a daily spiritual basis.
i have a few things to do today.  i have to start getting the apartment together for next week.  i won't have a lot of time for cleaning and shit next week as we've got the anniversary meeting on wednesday, thanksgiving is thursday and my own anniversary is friday.  i don't mind, though.  slow cleaning, supplies gathered and prep stuff done.  that's pretty much how it should happen as far as i'm concerned.  i'm looking forward to seeing De'ja.  I'm really just wanting to have people together, to feed and fellowship and be chilled out for a few days.
over the past week,
i've been thinking on the Phenomenon culture notion.  i was thinking how things have been gravitating toward this for a long time.  most of the best coups happen right out in the open, right in front of your eyes, because then things seem so normal you just take them for granted until they coalesce into a successful overthrow.  like, easy example right now, Ronda Rousey.  i don't really follow ufc or mma or any of that.  i don't think it's so much worse than boxing, as boxing used to be a bare-knuckle affair and often ended i'm sure in a lot of damage being inflicted.  but i think mma sports is part of the conditioning of humans toward disdain for humans again, for profit of course.  because there's no other reason for it.  and i know that boxing and every other sport in the world has undergone the same progression from a test of wills in a structured athletic event to matching paychecks for the entertainment of the unwashed masses and the profit of the super-rich.  so, ronda rousey was the flavor of the last several months.  so she was controversial and she was hyped, which is what you do to make money from someone's ability.  and she got her ass kicked saturday night.  and everyone immediately had an opinion on it.  but i don't think anyone ever stops to think that a thing can be orchestrated even if its not fixed.  the woman Rousey fought was a superior fighter.  i'm sure the people who set the match knew that.  if you have someone standing on a mountain top, people have to try to knock them off.  its just the way things are.  and Rousey stood on the mountain.  and she got knocked off.  and a lot of people made money on the fight, and a lot more people lost money on it.  and in the end, it's just more drama on social media.  but is it an example of the Phenomenon culture that has enmeshed itself into the psyche of the world today?
Muhammed Ali is considered by most to be the greatest boxer of all times.  i've been very taken lately with his derision and humiliation of Joe Frazier.  Ali was loved by just about everyone.  he was addicted, not to boxing, but to the love that he received for being Ali.  without boxing, he didn't know exactly who he was.  with boxing, he knew exactly who and what he was.  he is now a victim of his love for adulation.  and some, Frazier included, would say that karma caught up to him.  but the worship, the fame, the crowds chanting your name...how would you respond to these things?  would you just stop fighting when the time came to do so?  would you respect a person who held you in esteem if he stood between you and the restoration of your glory?  the Phenomenon culture was born in times such as that, long before internet, long before social media.  but there was media.  there were airwaves.  and those played a part in the genesis of follower behavior more so than anything Pavlov ever hypothesized.
so the day has progressed.  i've eaten lunch and dinner.  i'm stuffed more than i should be, but i'm not going to beat myself up tonight.  i am weary.  T stopped by, very sad, very down.  i can't do anything to help her, and can't even make the offer because it would be rose colored glasses.  she has painted herself into a corner and she has to find the faith to wait out the paint drying and then walk out.  at least it sounds as if she's gone to a meeting lately.  that's good to know.
tomorrow i have to go with my dad to take my mother to the airport.  i am going to try to do an early gym, just weights.  i'm going to alternate days, monday, wednesday and friday will be the treadmill and maybe light weights, but tuesday and thursday will be strength days.  i guess that should be something that i can continue to progress in.  i'm going to put some work into my thoughts about the phenomenon culture tomorrow.  my mind isn't working just right tonight, no haps on the nap.  but i feel good and won't manufacture a problem just to keep writing tonight.  so, i'm grateful to God for a peaceful day, and i'm hoping tomorrow will be progressive as well.