rest day

you know, its hard to fly this damn thing when my foot feels like someone is trying to saw through it, from the sole up, with a very dull but persistent hack saw.  it is a terrible chore, trying to focus and write.  i pushed things so hard yesterday that i was really fucked up overnight.  i rested it quite a bit longer today, and it feels much better.  maybe i can still hit the gym tomorrow.  it's on the agenda.

so, combo.  last one too, because i take this as a sign the discipline has slipped further than i want to admit.  i didn't really do a damn thing yesterday.  i did finish cleaning in the living room.  i got no other shopping done.  i got no other cleaning done.  i mostly limped about.  Tina came over and got me lunch and visited for awhile.  that was cool.  i am learning to keep my eyes open more than my sarcasm satchel.  having someone contact me often during my historically bad month and trying to see it as a bad thing or an inconvenience is the sign of being an idiot and an asshole.  i am trying to do better than that.  i drank water, took ibuprofen, ate and rested, and i talked to R a couple of times before i shut it down.
today i got up earlier than i should have and talked to Tina before i got my day started.  i prayed, wrote and ate.  i decided early i wasn't going to the Hall or my meeting.  i was going to rest, put my foot up, and just let some better feeling come through.  good decision in retrospect.  i got some writing done, i got my shopping lists made, i got my mind made up on what's going on the menu for the anniversary meeting and what's going on my table on Thursday.  i feel better.  i have my plans laid for tomorrow but you know things turn out as they turn out, so we'll see how it goes.  i have no great wisdom to share today.  i realize that cutting corners can eventually lead to you going around in circles.  i know that the story tells itself but it does need someone to write it down.
i want to thank my counselor for the nine or so years she's been looking out for me.  it has been a rough ride, but only because my brain does not filter as much as would be good for me, and there's no way to install that filter at this stage of my life.  but she has been an anchor and i'm still here, so that tells you just how important she is to me.  i'm writing this because she should know these things, even if i can't tell her directly.  and she gave me some whole bean coffee, which is a gift of great care that anyone who knows me knows.  i'm about to shut it down so i can try to be more functional tomorrow.  i will get back on track then, that is my word to my God and myself.  good night.