...there's no other way to put this than the title up there. i'm exhausted already, and its far too early for such weariness. i am so grateful, however, because i have not been submerged in depression this year, so far, and that is a wonderful thing to not be. but the anger is a simmering pot, and there's nothing in it, which makes the question of why is it still on the fire pretty relevant.
i started the day early, didn't sleep too deeply to be honest. i got up and got started with prayer and coffee. the dishes weren't put away as i asked Syd to do when she got in last night so i woke her up early to put them away. this particular dog and pony show, though i know it's part and parcel for parenting a teenager, is really boringly mind-numbingly stupid. but it is what has to be done. i got her off to school to catch her bus and i went to the gym. i set the machine for 50 minutes and varied time and elevation until i was at ten minutes short of an hour walking 2.15 miles. but i'm paying for it. feet hurt, legs are weary, its a good challenge but it is not something to take lightly. i did the gym before taking Syd to school. after taking her i went to walmart to start picking up supplies for tomorrow's anniversary meeting. i went to four stores getting things that are needed.
okay, so i am making more coffee. it's about 230, or 1430 in naval time. i have got the greens almost cleaned, which means i have to get the turkey and water coming into a broth to start them cooking, and i have to get some containers together to package up things to take to the meeting tomorrow. the hardest thing for the anniversary lunch will be the cheddar hash brown casserole. the hardest thing for thursday will be my father. i don't mind necessarily cooking for him. i just mind him not really getting that i'm trying to show him i'm different than the child that he remembers. but sometimes, you do enough damage to a person that a lifetime isn't enough for them to forget the pain you've caused them. and, i guess, by proxy my mother' pain upon him belongs to my siblings and myself as well. but he has a choice. he will come by and enjoy himself. he will maybe rest and sit back and eat some pie and some cake and watch whatever game is on the tube and chill. or he may just eat and then go to his next destination. either way, i am ready to start burning in the kitchen. not, like, making bad food, more like doing amazing things in exciting ways.
R has my bowls. i love her, but i want my bowls back.
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