the days are getting darker quicker now. the joke of daylights saving gets old quickly. i've been staving off the depression, but it's hard. isolation is easy to feel when loneliness is prevalent, but i'm not going to petition for company. R is doing her thing to make sure her kids stay fed. i am tending to the business at hand, have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, got the major bills paid today. i worked out at the gym and i'm going to do it again tomorrow. I didn't make the Salvation army for the produce giveaway, as i had to make coffee for the meeting and was holding the new coffee. i have been writing a lot, it's moving well, i think i'm going to ease back just a hair, not for too long but just for a day, because i don't want to try to manage where it goes; i just want to capture it as it unfolds.
the meeting on wednesday is going well. i was sorry i had to tell a young lady we couldn't sign her paper for her, but we have that policy for a reason; no slips signed after 1210. and not returned until one. she left once she found she couldn't get her paper signed. we are compromised from without, but we are willing prisoners to a society that has usurped our benefits, co-opted our principles and still finds the gall to call us frauds. it's amazing.
i saw a magazine at Syd's doctor office today, some drug company magazine, speaking of Binge Eating Disorder (or B.E.D.)...i thought to myself, even easy math is a lot of money. now, binge eating has been around forever and ever, amen. BUT. as i have spoken at length to my counselor about these new phenomena of disorders that are being assembly line produced anymore, to see this one roll out onto the production floor was pretty awesome. see, they have statistics. 5 million women and 3 million men have this disorder. 8 million people. let's just say that, shits and giggles, they know if they say 8 million they'll get ten million of us neurotic fat people asking our physicians for a work-up, a psych profile and a specialist to determine whether we are in the BED class. and, lowballing just for conversation, let's say the initial consultation is a nice round figure of $100 a head. well. a billion dollar diagnosis. then, of course, additional for therapy, for treatment, for follow-up care, for nutritionist, the sleep apnea people will jump in on it too, and so will the other specialist that are peripheral to eating disorder diagnosis. and the drug companies will have something ready, with a whole host of side effects ranging from loss of sleep to death, and don't take this if you're pregnant or nursing...and now you're into the tens of billions of dollars, for something that has already been diagnosed as part of the eating disorder phenomena but now has it's own cult following. but no one seems to look at that shit. very few seem to see it. so, am i just paranoid, stupid or some lone nut? i think i need a fourth option.
anyway, that was something new. conversation with Syd was peaceful. we went for chinese food for dinner. i was irritable from the doctor visit. got to remember to have them do a referral to a real doctor's office. this 'health center' bullshit is played out. i feel okay now. going to turn in early, as my appointment is at 10 in the morning and i don't want to miss the gym. i had more to say but it slips my mind at the moment, so good night, and be grateful things are not as bad as they could be and are for someone that you know. peace.
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