Wednesday before coffee

getting this done early, as i'm not sure what the day is going to bring.  it's wednesday.  i got sleep, not as broken but the urge to piss is not going to ever go away, i fear.  i have realized of late that the thoughts of Rachel are not as prominent or prevalent as they'd been for quite some time.  i don't feel any less love for her, but i realize there's likely no chance of anything except a happenstance encounter between us in the near future, and that won't result in any reunion.  not that it's not possible;  I am just not the voice that has any sway in her decision making.  and those voices are still very much in her life.  so, i guess the thing i'm doing is moving on.  and that's not a bad thing, i don't believe.

today is my meeting.  today i have to find an old smart phone that holds a charge, since mine has disappeared and i need the apps to do my music.  today i need to pay my bills.  today i want to try a bath in the clawfoot tub upstairs.  dig if you will a picture, eh?  and today i'm grateful to have awakened.

i made my mom salmon patties yesterday, and baked her a potato in the microwave.  i had gone by to get my meds and found she didn't have anything to eat.  my dad is getting worse, though he won't admit it.  something is going on with him; he sat in the living room eating ice cream the night before and left the empty container and lid on the living room floor.  then he left the freezer open and most of the shit in there thawed.  i don't know what is going on, his 'left hand don't know what the right hand is doing' bullshit is still operational, and still more detrimental as time goes on.

got my paperwork for Thursday.  just have to get a list of my references and their information, and get my job list together.  they won't find any more now than they did before, but whatever they find, i hope it is sufficient for me to be hired for this position.  that would be good.  i was going to say that would make everything perfect, but that's not true.  perfection does not belong to me or any situation.  it will be a blessing if it happens and prayers will accomplish more than ego will.

thank you, Father, for sleep and awakening.