days between days

you'll have them, the days that feel as if you are just a protozoa in a stream of some fluid, moving along with no discernible purpose toward a destiny that you can't even hypothesize, can't even begin to imagine with the small amount of brain available to you.  you just float, and you go from one end of the day to the other, and you hope in your heart that you don't have too many of these strung together.  but you have no control over that.  or, rather, you have limited control over it, and what you can do is force some things that have to be done and forgive yourself for the things you just can't get to.

that's the gist of it, anyway.  this picture is from some weeks ago, at the Fellowship hall, but it is how i'm feeling again, likely for the same reason.  it'll pass.  its something i can do nothing about, so acceptance is the only option.  but as i alluded to in counseling today, the question marks that hang overhead with no way to pick them and replace them with periods of information that bring understanding to my heart, that is a singularly maddening thing for me.  but like the Stones said, you can't always get what you want, right?

so, i got up today, and i got moving today.  i couldn't get all the way under sleep, but i got some, and i made the most of it.  i said my prayer before i nodded out again, and when i woke, i had coffee, ate my breakfast and then took my meds and did my readings.  i still ended up running behind, because i've got this blues thing happening, spoke on it.  but i got to counseling relatively on time, then i went to my parent's house and made breakfast for my mom, put on a fresh pot of coffee for her, and filled the reservoir on her C-Pap machine.  i went to the store and got some salmon for my dinner, some other small things, i tried to go to Goodwill but it was heavily crowded for some reason, so i went back my way.  got a fish sandwich and fries from the little food truck on McGuffey and ate.  i talked to Lonnie, who wasn't feeling well today, and after i ate i took a nap.  needed it too.  i didn't nap long either, but it helped.

i had mhy dinner not long ago, baked salmon, a baked potato and a salad with mixed greens and tomato and onion and mushrooms and feta.  perhaps Lonnie will be up to some store runs tomorrow; that would be cool.  and maybe i can get my chores done, which would also be pretty fantastic.  but regardless, i have gotten through this day, by Jehovah's mercy, and i am grateful for that blessing, and that is good enough for this moment in time.  it has to be.  we'll see if the creek rises, if God is willing, and if i awaken, and we'll have some other things to report then, pretty sure.