let me tell you about a learning curve. i'm talking to myself, for future reference when I decide to print these as my memoirs, but i'm also talking to the me that I am right now. I cannot in my heart of hearts believe what I have just spent the last several days learning by force. how to format a book, how a margin needs to be a certain amount of space, depending on the dimensions of the book, in order for the words to fit. how a margin on the right and left side of alternating pages has to be wider so that when you hold the book in your hands the words are visible. how the thickness of you book and the stock of paper you intend to print on determines the spine dimensions. how the cover needs a border as well. how your colors, your images, need to be at least 300 dots per inch (DPI) so they are not too faded and print correctly. I have redone this manuscript, I have done my cover a dozen times. I currently have four print-proofs en route to me, four imperfect proofs that I know are imperfect but they are first printings and I intend to give them to loved ones as something of value from myself.
now. one. fucking. typo.
on the last chapter of the book, there is a word. that word is 'had'. it should be 'and', but it is 'had'. it has survived my careful scrutiny. it has survived word correct, auto correct, spelling and grammar correct. it is a 'had' of great power and resourcefulness. and it has made it through. as I read through this morning, happy with the digital proof I was going through and really glad that I was made aware enough to transfer the file to a PDF file so that it would stick fast in the dimensions, chapters lining up as I desired them to, I looked at the end as I wanted to see the dedication and the back cover. and what do you think I saw? I saw 'had'. just hanging around, mocking me. I nearly screamed. but I didn't.
I thought about ignoring it. I thought about just leaving it and hoping that it would be okay with the readers. I thought about pretending it wasn't there. I thought about leaving it and then blaming the book company if someone complained about it. I asked TP what she thought, should I stay or should I go, as the Clash would say. and she said what was already in my heart. so I am currently reviewing the entire document again, having removed the offending 'had' and replaced it with 'and', as it should be. and now I have to see the entire thing again. and though the story is still completely fantastic to me, I am in awe of just how much work goes into getting a book ready to print. I have my work cut out for me in the future.
today was good. I got up with prayer, but my sleep was broken at a point. woke about 230, went back to sleep about four, woke again at six. I said prayers, got out of bed, made coffee. sugar was 124, very good. I had breakfast, after I took insulin and medicine. I got myself moving, called my mom who decided she'd stay home, and I took the bath that i'd ran. I groomed and bathed and washed my hair. I got myself deodorized and dressed and I went to the Kingdom Hall. the talk was good, but the Watchtower lesson was about dressing appropriately for a Witness and I felt a bit out of sorts. always been an area of contention for me, subscribing to the notion that God cares about what I wear. but I believe one should be presentable as a representative of God or any important thing. a person going to court to be tried for a crime is told to wear a suit and get a haircut, right?
after that, I got gas, went to my CA meeting. potluck was as small as it always is now. me and Marc the only ones who bring anything. but on the other side, very few people actually eat. the spirit of the meeting is not what it should be for some reason. very little participation. very little attendance. I don't want to stop going, but something needs to be addressed. I came home, tried to nap and couldn't, and am now cooking dinner. i'm going to eat, i'm going to work on the rest of this edit, i'm going to sleep and get up and start the week by starting the day should I be blessed to wake at all. I feel good, the depression seems to have eased back a bit. I thank you, Father, and ask for the guidance to do what you would have me do.
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